The many connections between coffee and insomnia do not evade me.
I’m a crazy insomniac yet I continue to consume caffeine. I have cut down a lot, but when you’re used to drinking quadruple shot lattés, a double shot of espresso really doesn’t do it for you. However, despite my perception of my immunity to caffeine, I am not in fact physiologically immune, causing me to spend many nights staying up way too late when I must rise way too early. It’s a bummer.
Anyway, I wanted to write about my hatred for Starbucks. There is actually a really funny quotation about ‘hating on’ Starbucks from one of my favourite articles ever, on holy taco, and it is describing “the guy who hates Starbucks but goes there every day”:
Armed with armchair political rants, this guy is the world’s biggest bore and the world’s biggest hypocrite combined into one big uber-shithead. He won’t shut up about how Starbucks is bad for the environment and how they’re taking over the world and how their coffee totally “doesn’t taste like the gourmet stuff downtown.” But when you bring up the fact that he’s ranting about Starbucks while he’s actually inside a Starbucks, his crappy hippie-wannabe excuses just start piling up. “Well, here’s the thing, I just didn’t have time to make it over to my usual coffee place. You know the one way over on 2nd Ave? Yeah, it’s one of the last mom and pop coffee shops in the area. I toooootally love that place. It’s so real. I was on my way over there, but the traffic was a killer, so I was totally forced to get my fix at this place. I mean, the rich get richer, right? That’s the law of the land. I totally can’t stand that I have to come here, but that’s what they do. They tie your hands, man. These big corporations. They just own you. They’re everywhere. Can you hand me one of those Splenda?”
But, seriously…Starbucks is the worst place ever. Not only are they trying to put businesses like my place of employment out of business, but their product is seriously inferior. Their espresso isn’t even properly packed people! This results in espresso that isn’t even true espresso in the strict definition of the amazingness that is espresso, and the crema is pitiful to say the least.
I’m just sayin’.
Of course we all must go to Starbucks at times. I am guilty of this, as in college my building was located next to a Starbucks and due to the fact that I was always rolling out of bed (late), I had to have my coffee, and I had to have it in a timely manner (which meant not walking the extra block to get my caffeine without having to sell my soul.)
Anyway, it’s kind of ironic because apparently Starbucks has built their brand on the quality of their coffee and I think it’s quite funny that people seriously think Starbucks coffee is good. Give me a break.
Oh well…if nothing else, I suppose the success of their company is a lesson in smart business tactics.
But still, as the sign in my place of work reads, “Friends don’t let friends drink Starbucks.”