Then what? My boobs are too big?

True story–I once got dumped for loving the film from which this awesome line was taken (aka Legally Blonde). He just could not get over it.

Clearly, I do not think it is a brilliant film, but I think the message is important–kind of muffled by the fact that the main character fails to exhibit any clear sign of intelligence, but an important message nonetheless.  That is, that you should not judge a book by its cover.

My freshman year of college, I found out halfway through the year that the girls from my hall called me ‘Barbie’ behind my back.  It was very hurtful, especially when I heard some of the really malicious things they’d said.  In fact, it still upsets me…I didn’t do anything to them, and yes I enjoy the color pink, but to be so needlessly bitchy is just so wrong in my book.

My point is–I can relate to the character in that film, because I feel like I constantly have to deal with people’s incorrect premature assessments and after a while, it gets old. Like, REALLY FUCKING OLD.

What I mean is…people are constantly treating me like I’m dumb. This isn’t a projection either, because one half of the time, they’re verbally telling me that ‘it’s okay if I just don’t get it’ or something along those lines–and the other half of the time, they’re in utter shock (sometimes even telling me so) when they get a chance to see that their perceptions of me are wrong.

So I can’t figure out what it is that makes people get this impression of me.  Is it the fact that I’m actually rather dim?  Have people just been being nice to me? I don’t know…intelligence is such an odd thing, and there’s probably nothing more difficult than attempting to assess one’s own level of it.  However, I tend to think this is not the case based upon the only objective information I have, which would be testing I’ve had done by a psychologist…which indicated that I’m somewhat of a smarty.  So, granting that I’m reasonably intelligent (though we’ll never know for sure), what is it that makes people think otherwise?

I think part of it could be that I’m a bit goofy, and giggly, and as a friend so affectionately put it, ‘bubble-headed’–I don’t fancy myself an airhead, but I also don’t jump at every opportunity to showcase my intelligence.  Not saying I have this great degree of intelligence, as perhaps I’m really dense and unaware of it, but in my experience, people are generally rather eager to assert themselves in this manner.  It’s just not my thing.

Still, although not particularly serious, I don’t think my behaviour gives any indication that I’m dumb.

So what is it?

Well, I’m sorry to say it, but I think I’m slowly starting to believe that people judge books by their covers.  Maybe I am naive to have not realised it sooner?

There are many reasons why I think this, but I’ll give you one big example–I have always had the biggest problem with uber-intense math/science nerds (as in, science nerds that are +2 sds from the mean).  I say the word “nerds” in the nicest way possible because I am a total geekette and actually took offense to it when my lover questioned my nerdiness.  But that is not the point.   The point is, I’m making a generalization about my experiences with a particular group of people–a group of people whom I have found, on the whole, to be quite socially awkward, not especially attractive, and really, probably lacking in certain aspects of their lives.  This is not an analysis I made prematurely, or out of spite, as I have been dealing with these people for a long time, and I treat them as I would anyone else…and once I get to know them, most of them are really cool people.  HOWEVER, it is my belief that this particular sort of person so values their intelligence as being exceptional, and is so psychologically invested in it in terms of self-esteem, that coming upon someone who does not share their more negative traits, but does share their most valued trait, is just too much for them to handle.  Therefore, in accordance with the theory of cognitive dissonance, they decide that said person (i.e. me) could not possibly be as intellectually capable as they are.

Sexual frustration is not a pretty thing.

I’m working on a research project right now–because I was ASKED, mind you, not because I wanted to do it, because it is not in my area of expertise.  Nonetheless, I thought it would be fun–and it is.  Difficult, but fun.  However, a few of my colleagues are really not very nice to me and I don’t know how to deal with it–perhaps I am not 100% as qualified as they are (since some of them ARE pseudo-experts in this area) but the bottom line is, we’re all doing the same shit, meaning none of us are complete imbeciles.  Yet whenever I ask a question, their facial expressions and excessively simplistic explanation suggest that they think I’m completely clueless.  Just yesterday, I questioned a colleague’s (negative) analysis of something I’d done, only to have him look it over and tell me that I did indeed do it properly, and he was sorry because he’d ‘just assumed I had no idea what was going on’–you ASSUMED I had no idea what was going on?  Did you even LOOK AT my work?


Okay, rant over.  I’m just sick of people harshing my chill, you know?

xx Charlee


Filed under personal, random, ruminations

4 responses to “Then what? My boobs are too big?

  1. You always make me laugh because you intellectually defend being really good looking and the unique challenges faced by the ridiculously hot in making their way through the world.

    While others would scoff at your plight (myself included at times) as these are generally considered qualities of envy, not sympathy, I’m beginning to see a method to your madness.

    I too, know the sting of extreme alpha status in a world of beta’s. The searing judgement that comes as beta males poke, prod and generally rain on my parade with challenge after challenge as they desperately try to find a hole in my game of super smart, super funny, super creative, tall, good looking, athletic, super humble. Losing my last job was like a lion being surrounded by hyena’s, so their is truly a price that can be paid that is completely unjust.

    We should start a telethon.

    Hahaha I didn’t know I had a method to my madness…to be sure, I am marginally attractive at best, and I don’t really think the whole disingenuous ‘omg, I’m soooooo ugly’ thing that some people do is cute, but I don’t mean to come across like my life is sooooo hard because I’m not busted!

    I think part of it is my fault, I just HAD to go into a field (i.e. math/science) where people take the term ‘nerd’ to an entirely new level, and there are very few women, and even fewer women that don’t resemble “sesame street” monsters.

    Not to mention…we enlightened people know that the simplest explanation is usually the correct one, so it is probably the case that I’m just not the brightest star in the sky. Oh well…

    I’m all for the telethon though. As Diddy would say, ‘LET’S GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’.

    Thanks for your insight, Michael! :)

    x C

  2. But only for people who are really good looking and really smart and really talented.

    If you’re just really good looking, f#@$ you, you’re part of the problem, not the solution.

  3. Great post.
    I hate people who do that. It really does nothing but show how small minded and judgmental people are when they do that. Thank you for not being one of those people.


    Thanks! People can indeed be very small-minded…it is upsetting! Slainte to you also!! :)

  4. Yah I’m marginally attractive too, marginal from the right hand side on a normally distributed bell curve measuring attractiveness.

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