looney tunes!

When I started this blog, it was principally to share the things I find amusing in my barista life!  I haven’t really been a barista very much lately due to travel etc. but I did get to work this week, so I wanted to share with you some of the crazies that were on the creep that day.  (If you couldn’t tell, weird/crazy people=my main source of amusement in life.)

There are a number of regulars whom we all know and talk about/become amused by.  Moreover, the environment of the coffeeshop where I work is very informal and has a bar where we, the employees, usually kick it; this also causes certain customers to post up at the bar with us (usually for hours) and hang out.  Sometimes this is cool, as I totally dig many of our customers.  Some of them, however, bother me in a variety of ways, from being plainly annoying to being a bit frightening.  Also,  I did not change their names for the purpose of this weblog, this is how my coworkers and I refer to each of these people–I don’t feel the need to change their names since their behaviour I am discussing is done in public and in view/earshot of many strangers.  Sue me.  (But, actually, please don’t.)

One of our regulars is ‘Wet Cappuccino Charles‘.  I’m not sure how to describe him really except to say that he quite possibly possesses the greatest degree of social ineptitude I have ever seen, and a lot of my coworkers compare him to “Dwight Shrute” from the US version of the televison programme “The Office”, whom I must say he resembles in both behaviour and appearance.  He is hilarious in the sense that he has no problem broadcasting his crazy opinions (he’s an intenselty right-wing conspiracy theorist type, and is extremely paranoid) and getting him fired up is always entertaining.

Anyway, he usually comes in several times per week and stays for hours because he is not employed–in fact, he is constantly inquiring as to whether we have any ‘temp work’ available.  He is honestly like a caricature!  Unfortunately he also frightens me a bit because he asked for my email address shortly after I made his acquaintance (and before I grasped the depth of his craziness), and I have a folder labeled just for him on my gmail account…in other words, he sends me about 10 emails each day.  Fun! Also, slightly alarming. :)

One of our new regulars is the ‘Klonopin Queen‘.  There are a number of people whom I suspect of being pill-poppers due to their dazed and confused facial expression and inability to converse at a normal rate, but homegirl takes the cake.  Not only is she dazed and confused all the time, but she also likes to hang out for hours, talk about how awesome klonopin has been for her (it has helped her handle her demon child) and also likes to PASS THEM OUT.  Like tic-tacs.  ‘One for you, one for you, one for you’ is what we say when one of us sees her coming.  Because that is what she does…sings along and passes out DRUGS like a deranged mother goose.

Another fun discovery upon my return to the coffee shoppe was that I have a new coworker, ‘Bipolar Bridget’. Bridget immediately revealed to me her psychiatric history and the fact that she’s no longer medicated (this much was obvious)–she then proceeded to do all sorts of cracked out shit, such as singing Disney songs at the top of her lungs (in the middle of a coffee shoppe…who does that?) and writing signs of ‘things she wanted to tell me’.  Example: she made a colorful and detailed sign that said “who are the backstabbers around here?” that was slightly violent in nature.  The crazy customers are bad enough, but now I must spend several hours with someone who is clearly under the influence of drugs OR extra, extra crazy.  Either way, she’s a looney tune.

The people I’ve met (and there are a lot more, those were just the ones that rolled up that DAY) are people I did not know existed.  I’m somewhat interested in humans/people in general, so from reading about them and you know, being alive, I thought I had a decent grasp of human behaviour–HOW WRONG I WAS.

And my mum said being a barista was a waste of time!

Anyway, back to work, have a great day blogheads! :) :) :)

xx Charlee

ps: sincerest apologies for any spelling or grammatical errors, I had to type this rather quickly because I have a deadline in a few hours!!! try not to let it upset you too much kids ;-)

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3 Comments

Filed under chronicles, whatever

3 responses to “looney tunes!

  1. So my wife is also a part-time barista and they similarly have the regular crazies. I was sitting in the other day when Miss Affectionate came in, ordered a medium frappuccino with 5 packets of splenda and 2 extra shots. She leaned over the counter getting really close to them as she ordered. Close-talker maybe? No. Then upon pickup she leaned in sideways REALLY close to me as if she were trying to pick me up asking about my drink – tea, plain tea. My wife jokingly held her drink just to see what she would do next. She clearly didn’t need any more caffeine.

    And then I love when I stay late and have to be “The Bouncer” and remove scary people from the store. Most of the time they leave. Sometimes they argue. The new guy… he shows up about 10 minutes before close and just hangs out in the parking lot. Just waits. Fortunately, due to their coffees on-the-house, the local police don’t mind ridding such clowns and hillbillies of the premise.

    The local cops – oh they have so many stories of their own. Fun fun fun. I’m even getting to know some of them pretty well. Scary. Spend too much time there.

  2. Hahahaha…that was an amazing description! I used to work in a restaurant, and we had plenty of colorful regulars that worked at the bar.

  3. Charlee

    Justin–Word up. Re: fraps and six packets of sugar, some of our customers really gross me out with their penchant for excessive sweetness, aka adding hella sugar to drinks with SYRUP in them. Oh my goodness. I wish we had a bouncer! I’m the worst at kicking people out–I only did it once, and my coworkers still imitate me…apparently I went up to a group of people and said, “Uhm. We close at 11.”, then stared at them for a moment and said, “It’s 11:05.” in a very rude tone. GOOD TIMES!

    Mishi–I’m glad you found it amusing…it’s kind of hard to convey in words how ridiculous these people really are. Also, I should have used the word colourful! Very tactful word. In my defense, I don’t give these people nicknames/make fun of them nearly as much as my coworkers…

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