Category Archives: men

a little lovin’ with your tea? (yup, I kiss and write)

Yes–I’m getting right down to business with that title, because today I had some really amazing sex my friends.

As I previously discussed, I was unsure about writing about my sexcapades (n. pl., sexual escapades) on here, but you won’t judge me, will you, dearest weblog reader?  (Still hoping my mother isn’t reading this because lord knows she would judge the shit out of me.)

Anyway, the part of the city where I am teaching happens to be very close to my former booty call’s place of work.  I hadn’t seen him in probably around a year (since we were both seeing other people) and I decided to give him a call to see if he wanted to meet for lunch and catch up.  And catch up, we did.

It turns out that the girlfriend didn’t work out and he is single again.  Well, after lunch he invited me to his office for tea, claiming that he wanted a distraction from a stressful deal.  As usually tends to happen with him and I, one thing led to another, and we got busy, and it was amazing.

I hate to say this, as the notion really pains me because it goes against my idealistic view of the world, but I have yet to find someone I click with sexually the way I do with him…our sex is so good.  So. Good.  The reason it pains me though is that other than sexually, we are not on the same page–hell, we’re not even in the same book.

I also cannot believe I had sex with him in his office!  Just call me Slutty McSlutslut.

However it worked out amazingly well for me because a) I needed to have sex very badly (it had been a very long time), and b) I am not going to get busy with Mr. Martini (for several reasons).

I finally feel like I can think clearly again without having sex on the brain all the time!  I probably would not have done it had I not been in such dire need.

To people who question whether or not booty call relationships can remain purely sexual, I am here to tell you that it is quite easy if you aren’t all that crazy about the person.  Booty Call is a good guy and a dear friend, but not someone I’d ever date (which is something I learned very shortly into our relationship).

Although he is a PERFECT booty call because in addition to his major skills in the lady-pleasing department, he has a CAR-AZY HOT body.  Literally.  Just looking at him makes me want to rip his clothes off.  Ironically though, this is also a reason why I could not date him, because although I value health and clearly deeply enjoy his body, I also know how much time he spends at the gym and not only would I be annoyed to date someone who would do that, but I’d also have to question whether or not they were excessively shallow/vain (which he clearly is).

I do love his bod though.

It’s kind of funny because I didn’t really intend to have things unfold the way that they did, I actually just wanted to grab lunch, but I get the sneaking suspicion that he took it as a mid-day booty call; which is weird because our lunch was very friendly and he actually opened up to me a lot more than he has traditionally (homeboy is having some lady trouble) and after we got down he said he “wished we could cuddle” because “he’s missed me” and “hoped we could start hanging out again.”  Evidently, his ex-girlfriend really burned him.

Of course, I was pleased at the prospect of having a booty call again–for the record, I call him Booty Call because he’s the only booty call I have ever had (despite evidence to the contrary, I am not a floozy), and he has been my BC for several years.  And I love him for it. And for the things he does to me. :-)

That said I’m not sure I’m into the casual sex thing anymore–it was fun when I was in college, and certainly convenient, but it seemed appropriate then, and though I love sex it seems a bit immature, and yes, promiscuous, at this stage of my life to have a purely sexual relationship.

We shall see!

Goodnight!

xx Charlee

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Naturally!

coffee stainSo, dearest weblog reader, I chose to solve my ethical dilemma via the old “have your cake and eat it too” strategy. I decided to reschedule hanging out with Mason for Friday and go out with Mr. Martini on Saturday.

It’s been terribly, and I do mean terribly, cold outside in my geographical region and I wanted to have a wing woman, naturally, so I decided to have Mason and Chad come to our place for dinner and drinks on Friday. All was going well, when Mason decided to tell me that he “was kind of hoping we could be alone” because he had something to tell me. Well, I didn’t know how to take that, but then he dropped the bomb on me that he didn’t know how to tell me but he had been wanting to quit for a while, but “then he realized we can still hang out outside of work”, and that this realization had led him to feel that there is no reason not to quit.

So, the one person at work who is not currently under the care of a psychiatrist nor in need of mental help is QUITTING! Leaving me with the psychos. Naturally.

I was clearly very excited to hear this news–but I must confess that I had the odd sensation (perhaps in part due to his tone of voice and demeanor) that I was being broken up with. He is my work lover (also known colloquially as “work spouse” or “work boyfriend“) and it did in some ways reflect “the talk” between soon to be ex-lovers.  Yes, I do on occasion want to have him as an actual lover, but he’s also the person at work whom I can always bitch to, gossip to, and whom I genuinely like–therefore, imagining work without him makes me frown.

Naturally, I’m quite upset over this recent development.

So now I am going to go eat my feelings and console myself with pizza (naturally).

-C

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is all fair in love and war?

Kind of a cheesy/cliché concept, but it’s something that has been on my mind a lot because I’ve been reading about behaviour in war and love is always on my mind because I’m silly like that!

I’ve also been re-examing my own sense of morality A LOT.  I was raised with a great sense of altruism and I took for granted that others were of the same moral integrity.  Of course, I have learned that most people really don’t care about morality–I’m not sure if this is due to the group of people whom I know well, and I hesitate to use sweeping generalizations to characterize people but for the sake of my point, they are all generally well-educated, intellectual types who are not prone to belief in the divine and who have read enough ethical theory to have developed strong viewpoints on the issue.  I’m not saying they are all immoral, that is far from the case, however I have yet to find someone who has an inner sense of “doing the right thing” as strong as my own–and I’ve kind of grown to resent it, if that was not already clear.

There’s just as much literature arguing for amorality as there is all the different conceptions of morality and why they are important…

I’m not saying I will ever be able to abandon my strong sense of the collective good (or my guilt for my volitions that oppose it!) but ESPECIALLY in terms of relationships, I feel like my need to be concerned for others is becoming detrimental to my own self-interest.

Almost all of my friends have done things in their romantic lives that I find completely unacceptable, but do the ends justify the means?

The reason why I ask all of this is because Mason called me today to ask if I wanted to hang out Saturday night.  There are two reasons why this is inhabiting my mental space–one is that Mr. Martini called me (a call which I ignored because he is making me feel stressed out and pressured) and left a voicemail saying he “wants to come see me this weekend.”  Barf.  That sounds bitchy–in all truth, I’d love to see him, I love spending time with him, and think he’s incredibly fabulous.  However, that is the very problem, because the fact remains that we are not together and that we’re not going to be together and I wish he’d stop acting in a manner that seems to be ignorant of these facts.  So moral question one, do I ditch him…do I lie to him…do I not call back…?  I’d REALLY like to go to dinner with Mason.  Unfortunately, I generally try not to make a habit of going on pseudo-dates with guys who have girlfriends–I have for quite some time been struggling with my attraction to him and the fact that I don’t even think it is okay to flirt with a guy who is taken.

Which brings me back to my main point…is all fair in love and war?  I feel in some respects that everyone else seems to think it is and I’m getting “left behind” by being so concerned with acting morally…

or am I just trying to rationalise the fact that I want to jump Mason’s bones?  Badly.

I think I have to ponder this a little more, perhaps it will come to me in my dreams–sending out vibes to Freud to expose my subconscious feelings on this !

Goodnight~!

xx Charlee

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sexiness (or, I’m in love with Jon Favreau)

Luckily, I have a few days off this week because I had intended to go to DC for inauguration. Due to the coldness and a few other things, I decided not to do that, however, I have been enjoying basking in the inaugural excitement all day–Hi, my name is Charlee and I’m a CNN addict (fyi)–so today is especially wonderful for me.

The dinner party was absolutely fabulous! It was really spectacular to reflect last night upon the changes that are to come in our nation and to absorb this moment that we’re currently in–I’ll have to post more about Obama’s amazing speech later, but right now I am posting because I have something else on my mind: Obama’s chief speech writer…whom I am in love with. Anyone know him? Please tell him there’s a crazy girl in New York who’d like to marry him.

Jon Favreau is Obama’s speechwriter and he is incredibly talented/brilliant (obviously) and in trying to learn about him due to his incredible gift with words, I researched him and realised that (a) he is quite young, making him all-the-more impressive, and (b) he is quite sexy.

Here are some photos for your visual enjoyment…

Is he in a coffee shop?! Sexy, vocabularily-intelligent, AND a coffee lover?! Have I died and gone to Heaven?

Is he in a coffee shop?! Sexy, vocabularily gifted, AND a coffee lover?! Have I died and gone to Heaven?

Rarrr

Rarrr

)

He got in some pretty serious trouble for this one--but I say more power to him for having a sense of humour! It is quite funny, no?

Yes–’tis kind of sad really, to have a schoolgirl crush like this, but alas, he had me at “yes we can.”

Anyway, I am still very excited over what has happened/is happening today–and REJOICE!–we are finally collectively free of George W. Bush and his cumbersome perspectives.  Free at last!

Alright, back to celebration/obsessive CNN viewing!

Have a great day everyone!!

xx Charlee

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elation, nonsense, and hooray for martin luther king junior :) (and obama)

Okay–first and foremost, I would just like to say I am ABSOLUTELY ELATED that this long-awaited day, January 19th, 2009 is finally here.  I think I’ve been looking forward to this date for 8 years!!! Bush is FINALLY peacing out!  I’m actually not much of a Bush-hater, but he obviously has struggled throughout the course of his term and to be frank, the very constitutionality of his term is not clear in my mind.

So I’m not going to talk politics but I cannot remember the last time I was this happy about the state of affairs in this country!

Anyway I am terribly sorry I have not written in the past few days,  particularly because they have been quite eventful!

Friday I went to a work party, where Sam and her boyfriend got into a fight.  I’m a fan of Sam’s boyfriend because he’s quite chill–not as swift as I might like but he’s cool enough.  Anyway, for some reason he and I began talking about politics–something I try quite hard to avoid in most situations, but the one exception to this rule for me is if I think someone is open to learning something that I am able to help them grasp…which was the case here, so I discarded my usual policy.  Of course, Sam is kind of crazy (and rather dim) so she kept making belligerant comments and trying to change the subject although her boyfriend (Callum) was listening rather intently.  So eventually he told her to take it easy or something like that, and she completely overreacted and stormed off…a few minutes later, Mason came to tell me that Sam was crying outside and angry with me.  Greatttt.  I went outside to see what was up, and long story short, she was being drunk and irrational…so it’s all good now.

So then Saturday I worked with Mason, and he said Marley (roomie) and I were “making everyone cry” to which I obviously asked him to elaborate, and he said that I had upset Sam and Marley had upset Chad.  To be perfectly honest I hadn’t been keeping too abreast of Marley and Chad’s situation so I didn’t have much to say on the subject, but later after discussing it with roomie, it turned out that she had decided she didn’t really fancy him after all–pretty standard for Marley, but that’s part of her charm…in my opinion anyway!  But apparently not those whom she loses affection for so quickly…

That night, Mr. Martini and I had a very relaxed night watching a documentary entitled “Resolved” about high school debating.  He and I always do the most random things together!  It was something we just saw and thought looked interesting so we viewed it, and it turned out there was a lot of racial context that one wouldn’t generally expect given the subject matter of the film–there was a team that challenged the way high school debating works in this country by saying it is exclusive and more or less racially discriminative.  I’m not sure how much I want to go into this concept because I’m a bit short on time, but given the date and current events and all, I will say that several of  the people I love most in the world, my best friends (and one of my former roommates) are black and I have spent a fair amount of time working in public schools where 99% of the faculty and students were African-American, so I feel that I have an understanding, or as much of one as any white person can have, of the challenges that they face and it is an issue closer to my heart than it is to most (white) peoples’.  That said, in this film, the team was not arguing the resolution they were given, but was instead arguing that the entire framework/institution of high school debating were racist; the documentary obviously did not show their entire argument, but something about it really didn’t sit well with me.  Last time I checked, the better way to get your point across would be to argue the resolution, and win, thereby instituting the so-called change they were working towards (assuming that their allegations of racism were indeed founded).  Not to mention–a lot of people, and probably me before I became familiar with the black community, believe that we live in a post-racial society.  So to “pull the race card” and completely skirt the issue that is meant to be debated is really illogical and uncalled for in my opinion–and furthermore, sets our society (and the black community) back several years.

I think in many ways that is what is so inspiring about Obama, and Martin Luther King Jr. before him.  Martin Luther King Junior did not play the victim, he was aggressive in his campaign for change, but in a way that was poised and so incredibly admirable–I don’t think there are many people, and certainly not myself, who could maintain such a calm and articulate manner in the face of an issue so inflammatory and passion-stirring as racism. Obama, on the other hand, took this to an entirely new level.  Politics aside, I don’t think I have ever been so inspired by someone as I am by Obama–and throughout the election, I was always the one telling friends and family that he was creepily subliminal and psychological in his speeches and that he came across as such an inspiring figure because of the tactics he used.  However, when he won, I was so incredibly emotional and elated that it became a night I will never forget.  He really is evidence that race is no longer an issue in this country–and though it has never been an issue in my eyes, I can say that I have experienced racial tension/discrimination first hand; but even so, to know that most of the country does indeed subscribe to the “post-racial” concept is so incredibly beautiful and amazing to me that it is one of the few things that truly leaves me speechless.

Obama affected change not by going over the history of the country or by listing his grievances–and to be perfectly honest, I think he would have been completely justified in doing either–but instead, he portrayed the world and the country as many of use see it and hope it actually is–and in so doing, taught us all a thing or two about the power of belief and coming together with others who share our beliefs.  Obama was not part of the political machine, he was (and is) part of the people.  He showed us that we can live in a country we’re proud of, that we can say “no” to the things we don’t accept or believe in, and that, more than anything, “yes, we can.”  His entire campaign was built upon the concept of change, but in so many ways, Obama himself is the change.  Or to quote him, the “change we can believe in.”

No matter what your political beliefs, we could all learn a lot from this man.

ANYWAY that got a bit lengthy, but I’m in a bit of a daze of Obama inaugural excitement, and to be sure, I’m not a Democrat, so I’m hardly one of the sheep I so despised throughout the campaign.  However, my emotions have really gotten the best of me today because I’ve been thinking about what tomorrow means to all of us, and how the world really is changing; and of what it will mean to so many of the young people I have worked with who have expressed feelings to me that I cannot imagine feeling and that I know will be replaced with a new worldview because of Barack Obama–America is indeed the land of opportunity, and anyone can do anything.  It isn’t all just lines of bullshit as so many of us may have suspected.

Viewing the film Saturday night, by the way, was accompanied by consumption of copious amounts of wine, and by the end, Mr. Martini and I were getting a little more lovey-dovey than we probably should have.  I blame the wine.  Alas, I spent the night in his bed, but we were not intimate–truthfully, I kind of wanted to be because I adore him and am physically in need of some loving, but I have an inner “flooz-o-meter” (n. the inner meter of the degree to which one is acting like a floozy) that prevented us from getting down.  C’est la vie.

I’m truly a bit frightened by the intensity of my feelings for him as well as the intensity of his future planning involving me, though.

Anyway this has taken much longer than I had hoped–I must get ready as we are having a dinner party tonight to celebrate Bush’s last night in office.  Hooray hooray hooray!

Hope everyone else takes a moment to give thanks this evening as well–whether or not you’re an Obama fan, so many lives lost is reason enough to be thankful that by this time tomorrow night, there will be a new sheriff in town. ;-)

xx Charlee

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ouch :(

Tonight was not a good night! Perhaps it is due to my nasty attitude/ranting earlier about my coworker…karma is a bitch!

Roomie and I went out this evening, and happened to be at the same bar, in the same area, as an ex-lover of mine; but not just any ex-lover–THE ex-lover.  What I mean by that is that he’s probably the only person I can honestly say broke my heart, and whom it still (several years later) hurts to think about.

We were both so young when we were together and it was a rather brief affair, so I cannot understand why every time I see him it sends me into freakout mode.  Still!

I loved him so much, and he was not my type in any way, yet the closeness between us made me forgive all of our apparent differences and I actually grew to find his weirdness endearing.  Generally speaking, I have a pretty difficult time “letting people in”, but he made me feel so comfortable and so loved that I felt like I was more myself than I’d ever been…not only in terms of romantic relationships, but in terms of all relationships.  He was my best friend and I probably put too much pressure on him in terms of using him as a therapeutic measure in my life, as I was going through a lot at the time, but the bottom line is that I loved him.

And what happened my friends?  He dumped me for another girl.  I am happy to admit that she is not too attractive, which gives me a little bit of consolation, but it still sucked big time.

Anyway, the reason why I’m in an awful mood now is that he and I haven’t spoken in a while and caught up tonight, and he tells me that he is going to law school and what am I doing?  This was very depressing for me because one of the reasons why things did not work between us was that he thought I was not serious enough, and the truth is that I have indeed had some trouble deciding upon the path for my professional future, this is a well-known fact to those close to me, and it’s a part of who I am but not necessarily something I am proud of and certainly not something I felt like telling him.

I know I need to be more serious; I’m not getting any younger and all of this existential questioning isn’t as fun or cute as it once was.  That said, I still don’t understand how the fuck I am supposed to know what I want to do for the rest of my life.  That is a longggggg time.

I just feel like a big loser tonight and want to cry because my ego is still bruised over him dumping me, and it is even more sad that I had to tell him I’m doing pretty much nothing and he was basically right in categorizing me the way he did, even though I still don’t think of myself as some sort of frivolous party girl.

There’s nothing worse than having someone call you out on the worst fears you have about yourself–I have always been somewhat of a goofy and not-so-serious person, and it is something I have worked on over the past few years, because let me tell you, giggling is highly looked down upon in academia (particularly if you are a woman).

It just reallly bummed me out to see him and have all this old pain brought up…I have had much more fulfilling relationships since that one, and I wouldn’t want to go back to it, but between the blow to my ego and the genuine affection I still feel for him, he really has the power to affect me more than he should.

However, one of my friends always says (and I think so do the authors of “He’s Just Not That Into You” since she’s like a living quotation from that book): Don’t get bitter, get better!!

So even though I am clearly quite bitter and upset over the events of this evening, I am going to channel it into proactivity by actually starting to look into med schools tomorrow, working out extra intensely, and plotting so that the next time I run into him, it will not be so terribly soul-crushing.

Did I mention I can be a bit dramatic?  Well, I can…especially when it comes to matters of emotion.

Anyway, I’m going to try to sleep off this awful mood, goodnight!

xx Charlee

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let’s talk about sex baby…

Anyone remember that song?  “Salt ‘n’ Peppa”, I believe.

So I am now home and solved the dinner dilemma–since I couldn’t decide and don’t really feel like going to the store, I checked my fridge and have some goat cheese, asiago, parmiagano reggiano(sp?), monterey jack, and brie.  I’m thinking I’m going to use a LITTLE bit of the reggiano, and disclude any soy sauce to bring down the saltiness.  Hopefully it will turn out okay!!

Anyway, sex has been on my mind all day my friends.  In two capacities–one being the act of sex because Mr. Martini has come back into my life and turns me on more than any man has in the recent past, and two, the concept of sex (as in gender) because I read a very sexist and offensive weblog on here yesterday.  So I would like to vent a little bit about both topics.  Blog, if you will. :)

On sex–I thought about whether or not it was cool to write about it for the whole world to potentially see, as I am quite a lady in the sense that I adhere to general etiquette rather strictly (sometimes to my detriment ie. causing me to be called “snobby” or “prissy”) and it is obviously somewhat inappropriate in our society to discuss sex openly.  That said, I was recently discussing Tony Blair’s wife with a friend and how the British people have not taken kindly to her being so open in her sexuality, and I couldn’t help but think that if this were a MAN, it would not be looked upon the same way.  So, although I shall still adhere to my mother’s wishes of being the epitome of a lady in my public life, I’m going to allow myself to vent about sex on here because I can’t think of any reason why the hell not. (And I’m going to pray my mother or friends never stumble upon this weblog!)

The stigma of speaking openly about making love in our society is especially bothersome to me because it’s something I very much love, both poetically and literally.  That is, I am a very sexual person and enjoy it immensely, but in addition to that, I have a genuine intellectual interest in sex as a biological phenomenon as well as the psychological/sociological aspects of sex.

Intellectuality aside, though, I LOVE sex; I think that is actually a primary reason for my academic interest in it.  Sadly, though, as I have touched upon before, I am not into the idea of monogamy right now–it just doesn’t suit my worldview, my way of life, or my feelings on relationships.  So, doing the math, what does that mean my friends?  No sex for Charlee.

Yeah, it’s a pretty serious bummer, but in some aspects I think it’s good–most of the time I think of myself as being somewhat of a Morrissey-inspired person, in the sense that I don’t see myself as celibate but to not have all relationships based in physicality is an enlightening and helpful experience in terms of self-awareness and growth.  (Btw, I LOVE Morrissey so very much–and I don’t particularly care if that’s cliché!)

It is very funny to me how my generation views sex though.  As in, I don’t think my mother could say that when she was my age, she had several friends who currently have (or who have had in the past) a regular “booty call”.  But, particularly for very driven young people (ie. my college friends), there are only so many hours in the day and I think to have a casual sexual relationship with someone is something that has evolved out of necessity for many young people.

Anyway–circumstances being what they are in that I have not gotten busy with a man in a while, Mr. Martini has been turning me on big time.  I mean, I’m incredibly turned on by him in general (as if you couldn’t tell), but him popping up out of nowhere and being his amazingly adorable self really isn’t helping my desire to avoid sexual contact with him.

The reason why this has been on my mind all day?  Last night, we had a few drinks back at the hotel after dinner, and it started to get rather late, causing him to suggest I stay.  It was really the most prudent choice and it was terribly cold and I was rather drunk, so I said that would be okay.  I stayed in a separate bedroom, but was still left wondering if something could or should have happened.

It’s just so odd because I don’t see us being together–he’s so all over the place, and I’m so right here (for now) and there is no sense in trying to commit to someone you can’t see in person on a regular basis.  That said, I really do love him and know he loves me, and isn’t that all that is supposed to matter?

I don’t know–what I DO know is that I need a break from all the Mr. Martini business, so a girlfriend and I are going to happy hour tonight and then out.  It should be a fun night!

Hope everyone else has a fabulous night also!

xx Charlee

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