Tag Archives: food

on societal standards of beauty, etc. etc.

It being fashion week and all, I have been thinking about this a lot…

I did a pretty strict cleanse for about a week and ended up losing some weight (most likely–I don’t own a scale but I can usually tell anyway).  After this, my brother asked me ‘if I’d been sick’ because ‘I looked frail’.  Now, firstly, I think this is kind of an offensive thing to say–but it was, after all, my big bro, so I let it slide.  Secondly, though, upon bringing this up to roomie, she told me that I looked fine to her.  On the bright side, I feel as though this justifies the extreme gluttony I plan to engage in this weekend. :)

But these interactions caused me to consider two things: one, why do women have a different definition of an appropriate weight than men, and two, the fact that many of us are probably thinner than we would be at our “natural” or “baseline weight” (I can’t really remember what it’s called?).

Ms. Moss

Although retrospectively, I realise I grew up in an environment where thinness was emphasized, I don’t think it was something I was acutely aware of until college–perhaps partially due to the freshman 15, which I learned is no myth.  I have a perception that my uni was above average in terms of social pressure regarding appearance, due to my own perceptions as well as hearing those of friends who attended other institutions…whether or not my perception is accurate I do not know.  However, I can say that jokes that our university was filled with ‘anorexic cokeheads’ were nearly ubiquitous–both within our student body and with students from surrounding schools.

As for me, I actually like to be very thin, aesthetically speaking I find it to be the most pleasing look to me.  However, I’m also quite concerned with health, so I would not put my health at risk to suit my aesthetic preferences.  I’m not crazy about it or anything…but like I said, I like the appearance of very thin women; I have a girl crush of epic proportions on Kate Moss, as I think she’s incredibly gorgeous–and we all know girlfriend is quite thin.  The odd thing is, sometimes when I am happier with my body, I see photographs of myself and think I look awful.  Do other women feel this way?  It really is quite ironic because I really like the “heroin chic” look on other people, but when it comes to myself, I hate looking at myself and feeling that I appear as though I’ve just finished a four-day bender and am on the verge of death.  Haha, well that’s a bit dramatic, but you know what I mean, don’t you?  If not, here are a few photographic representations of my aesthetic preferences, courtesy of the fashion industry:

A shot from my favourite Chanel ad campaign (I think it was spring/summer a few years ago)

A shot from my favourite Chanel ad campaign (I think it was spring/summer a few years ago)

A Prada Advertisement

A Prada Advertisement

Kate Moss again, in a YSl ad

Kate Moss again, in an Yves Saint Laurent ad

The irony is of course that no one does “heroin chic” quite like Kate Moss, but that it should be called cocaine chic in her case, because she obviously hits the booger sugar quite often, a fact that has been relatively well-documented.

Also, I don’t really care what anyone says, I sincerely doubt that any high fashion model follows a healthy diet–perhaps they are naturally thin, yes, but to be 6 ft tall and weigh 110 pounds is probably only genetically possible for a infinitesimally small slice of the population…so I don’t buy the notion that models and the fashion industry are selling anything other than unhealthy lifestyles, despite constant proclamations to the contrary.

Perhaps this makes me a bit of a hypocrite, as I more or less fit the very definition of the word perfectly in the sense that I don’t “practice what I preach” in this arena, because I think a lot of our culture’s ideas about beauty are seriously f*cked up…but I adhere to them anyway–to a certain extent at least.  It is quite cliché to say, but I truly cringe for the young women/teenagers that are confronted with this.  I often put serious thought into ways I can positively influence my younger family members in such a way so as to counteract the extreme messages the media subliminally, and sometimes explicitly, delivers to their impressionable brains.

The other strange thing, though, is that women’s ideas on body type are much different than those of men–I can’t tell you how many studies I have read that indicate men consistently prefer a more “curvy” body type than the average women holds as her ideal.  That is just strange to me, and the context of it says a lot about the pressure on women in our society, as well as how we as women view each other, and ourselves.

It’s also incredibly odd to me that most (I think it’s more than half now, statistically) Americans are overweight and a very large percentage are obese…and we are greeted in the media with images such as these which not only fail to represent most people, but also are basically the antithesis of “most people”–I should say that I somehow doubt the statistics, because I can’t say that the majority of the people I encounter are overweight, although I think some of this could be geographical (as I tend to think overweight people dwell more in the Bible belt and associated areas), but nonetheless, one has to wonder what these things mean from a sociological standpoint.  But perhaps that is a consideration for another day!

I just had to vent my thoughts on this, as it has been on my mind today and I’m trying to avoid doing work, as usual.  I hope everyone has a fantastic Friday!! :)

xx Charlee

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i am a ‘BAMF’

Hah!  Not really.

I am indeed being a rebel by playing hooky today though.  Of course this is nothing new for me, but lately I’ve been quite responsible, and this morning as I was trying to fall asleep (at 5 am), I cringed at the thought that I had to work (at the coffee shop), go to two classes, get a project done for my other job, and somehow manage to bake a treat for Mason and obviously sex myself up for the festivities tonight.  It was simply too awful for me to bear the fact that my effort was going to be a waste,  because crazy tiredness (from extreme lack of sleep), and the brain burn resulting from contributing to society all day would have prevented from enjoying myself at the party, thereby killing my buzz.  Quite literally.

So I’m being naughty, and I couldn’t be happier about it!  It reminds me of the good old days…my stoned slacker days, as I fondly call them.

I blew off EVERYTHING, and even lied about it–this is something I have never done before, because for all of my neglect of responsibility, I am nothing if not honest.  Through all of college, through all of life, I have made it a point not to make excuses for my actions, especially bogus excuses.  However, it suddenly came to me not all that long ago that part of life in our society is bs-ing.  As I believe I have said before, my main purpose in life is keeping it real, so I had some trouble accepting this.  Even when I was always getting in trouble for not doing shit and my friends were claiming their grandmothers had died, I kept my mouth shut–but therein lies the problem.  It may sound silly that I really didn’t figure this out until recently, but apparently not saying anything gives the impression that you just don’t give a fuck.  People expect you to make excuses.  I’m not even going to get into how stupid this is, but I’m happy to say that I don’t feel bad at all about lying to my bosses or prof today, because I think in the end it’s less rude than not saying anything and I’m probably doing good in terms of their egos by making them think their nonsense is important to me.

(Side note: I can seriously rationalise anything.  It kind of freaks me out.)

Well I shall continue this later as I have to go prepare the rainbow cake (hooray! I am pumped!!) and get sexed up for the soiree this evening!

Hope everyone else is having an amazing day also!! :) :)

xx Charlee

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Food Porn! (with a very serious purpose)

So Mason, otherwise known as my coworker whom I am trying to seduce, is leaving our work place, and we’re having a going away party for him on Tuesday.  Because he is a dear friend, I would like to prepare him a special treat for his departure.  The party is a dinner party and there’s already going to be a cake, but I wanted to give him something to bring home–and also something to show off my excellent culinary skills.

Unfortunately, I am unfamiliar with Mason’s palate as he isn’t the type of guy I generally roll with (he’s more of a “typical male” type than the guys in my crowd and I don’t believe he has any “foodie” tendencies) so I don’t really know what to make him; I do think he’d prefer something simple and traditional, so I thought I’d make strawberry scones.  However, I also found this awesome-looking cake and thought he’d appreciate it.  I don’t personally enjoy cake so I was leaning towards the scones, but my (male) friend told me he’d enjoy the cake far more.

So that is where you come in, dear readers.  Yes, I’m sadly indecisive…but I could seriously use some help here because I don’t think my perspective or that of my friends is very helpful here and I want to make him something he’ll like!  So, please vote on which treat you’d prefer!

The choices are:

Rainbow Cake

I would like it to come out looking like this, but I have a feeling it will end up being more similiar to the following photo:

Which is still a really rad-looking cake!

OR

Strawberry Scones

Not AS exciting to look at, but certainly delicious!!

So I hope you enjoyed this gustatory pornography as much as I did…and please vote in my incredibly important poll!

x C


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what are (gay) best friends for?

First off, I would like to step up on to my soap box once again and inject unnecessary political undertones into this post by saying that I am STILL flabbergasted that Proposition 8 passed and to be perfectly honest, very angry.  When I heard it had passed, I spent several days trying to find someone to fly to California with me to protest.  I was unable to do this (apparently some people have lives which they cannot abandon at random), however, I am passionately against this HATEFUL legislation and I think it is utterly sickening that it passed on the same day that Obama was elected–the old “two steps forward, one step back” strikes again.

On the subject of Prop 8, here is a very funny video which has been quite circulated by now, but hey, if you have not seen it, it is worth the few minutes in terms of amusement (in my opinion anyway):

Prop 8: The Musical

Anyway, needless to say, I love me some gay men.  I mean I’m down with all the gays, but two of my best friends happen to be gay men, so I’m partial to their genre of gay people.  Of course, I know some gay dudes that are not at all stereotypically “gay” and whom I didn’t know were gay until they came out to me, but with my two very close friends, this is not the case as they are quite the flamers.  This is part of the reason I love them so dearly–they are incredibly informed of fashion and there’s nothing I love more than a man that appreciates the genius of Tom Ford.

One of my best friends in the world, J, was out of the country for the past month or so to celebrate the holidays and I missed him like crazy.  J was my neighbor freshman year in college and I couldn’t have survived without him!  He has truly influenced the person I am today and he’s like family to me–so it is for this reason, and our extra close bond, that he told me at lunch today that I need to get back to my days of detoxes and spinning classes.  Yes, though I can always count on him to be brutally honest about my appearance, my sweet J put his honesty into that delicate little package.

I think I needed to hear the harsh truth though–I’m a borderline health nut, but I have in the past few months, and especially during the holidays, really been taking it easy.  Living life like it’s going out of style, if you will.

Therefore, I’m meeting with my nutritionist tomorrow and starting a week-long detox to get all of the yucky stuff out of my temple…the only sad part is that this means I cannot drink.  Which is very sad, because I love to drink. :(  And I might actually try breaking a sweat whilst working out instead of happily jogging along for a measly 30 minutes!

In other news, I have to say I feel a bit daft after my last posting–I have absolutely no right to complain about anything, ever…I’m so incredibly blessed that I actually often feel guilty for having such a nice life and therefore feel somewhat guilty for complaining about a bunch of meaningless BS!  Alas, meaningless BS is still BS though and therefore not altogether pleasant.  That said, I’m going to work on looking on the bright side more!!

But (!) I must whine for a moment and say that the job is still really difficult.  I am cursing the fact that I took it–I was perfectly happy giving my brain an extended vacation!  The problem in my life tends to be that my work ethic does not equal my ambition and this has bit me in the ass yet again.  Bottom line, I need to put my nose to the mirror (joke) and put some hours in with the books, which is way more difficult of a task for me to accomplish than it should be.

I’ve been (mostly) shutting BC down because I’m over it and uncomfortable about the whole thing, i.e. the fact that I let my lust for him overwhelm my sense of propriety.

And this weekend I’m going skiing!  Hooray!!!

Just have to get through this week first…

xx Charlee

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these are a few of my favourite things!

Booo…my boss is here at work today, so that means I must “work” all day.  What a bummer, right?  Of course being the slacker that I am and caring as little as I do about this job, I’m obviously “ordering restocks” by way of doing whatever I want online and killing as much time as possible–on the bright side, my email inbox is finally getting the attention it deserves!

So I found this fun little site, “polyvore” and insomnia and boredom mean that it is my new best friend!

I made this petit collage of some of the random things I love, and I thought I’d share! :)

And a final word on the kindergarten-esque sharing of my virtual art project/favourite things: Don’t judge me.

Random Favourite Things:

The Office- I enjoy both the US and British versions, and this is the only television program that I actually make an effort to watch (tv rots the brain, after all.)  Of course, I have seen every episode several times!  However, it never ceases to make me laugh out loud–even the episodes I’ve seen so many times.

Chanel Nuit De Russie Nail Polish–This is my absolute favourite shade of nail color–I feel that black is a bit played out and a bit much, so an almost black shade of blue is awesome in my book.  Moreover, I’ve been very, very into Russian culture since I discovered it by way of reading Tolstoy a while back–that caused me to explore Russian literature and in terms of world literature, it is probably my favorite genre.  Thus, I have a great fascination with the culture there and the fact that Chanel has incorporated this into their latest work is BEYOND amazing to me because it combines two of my favourite things…but more on this later, because I have a lot to say about this exciting occurrence!

Flintstones Vitamins– I keep these in my purse for when I want something in my mouth but don’t want a mint–I’ve tried to quit chewing gum, and since I’m not smoking, I need something else, and why not a vitamin?  I always forget to take them though, so keeping them with me helps me remember to chew one when I see fit.  Plus, adult vitamins are such a bummer and make me gag when I try to swallow them.  I guess these just make me irrationally happy, what can I say other than I am a very nostalgic person–I get teased pretty badly for carrying them around/randomly pulling them out, but still, I love them so very much!!

Laughing Cow–I love this stuff.  Of course, I pretty much love any and all cheese, but my love for this is especially abundant due to my attachment to it–my friends and I went to Paris when I was 18 and it was one of the best times I’ve ever had.  Obviously, we wanted to spend our cash on booze, partying, and shopping rather than food, so we’d usually just have a baguette and laughing cow for breakfast and a bangin’ lunch and dinner–needless to say, I ate a lot of laughing cow on that trip and eating it now reminds me of it and associated craziness–not to mention it is tasty as hell!

Nietzsche–This one pretty much speaks for itself, but I’m a gigantic fan of homeboy–I could honestly read Nietzsche all day.  I think he’s so incredibly brilliant and I’ve always appreciated a number of his philosophies, although it seems that my appreciation for them has only grown since I became familiar with him several years ago.

Hallucinogens–Hah, I think this one also more or less speaks for itself, but I love them, what can I say?  Truthfully, my days of being a stoned slacker are behind me for the most part, but I still have a great appreciation for hallucinogens (mostly weed) and perhaps I shall write about it at some point because it is something I have strong feelings about.  Of course, I would never advocate for irresponsible use of drugs, as I think there is a certain level of maturity that one should have in order to experiment!

Givenchy Thigh High Boot–I’m sooo in love with these.  For Christmas, the only thing I asked for was a pair black thigh-high boots, and I was so lucky to receive these!  I kind of wanted flat ones so as not to look like a hooker, but alas, they were apparently hard to find, and I think the heels on these are pretty chill.  They’re really versatile and really sexy–so versatile in fact that I think perhaps some day they will come in handy in the bedroom…or perhaps that is wishful thinking on my part!  I love them so much, I probably wear them a bit too often, but I don’t really care–they make pretty much any outfit infinitely cooler.

Chanel Inimitable Mascara–This mascara changed my life!  I tried it more or less by accident (overzealous sample lady) and it instantly became one of my favourite things.  My eyelashes suck, generally speaking, and due to this amazing product, they no longer cause me to fret!  Hooray!  Seriously though, I probably never would have purchased this if I hadn’t tried it as it is a bit overpriced, but it is entirely worth the extra cash, trust me on this.

Notebook Paper–Pretty self-explanatory.  I like to write. :-)

“Catcher in the Rye”–I haven’t read this in such a long time, and I’ve read literature that has really deeply affected me since then, but perhaps none more so than this book.  This was the first book that I deeply connected with and enjoyed reading.  It really opened my eyes to the beauty within literature and the ways in which it could lead to self-discovery.  I probably read it in about 8th or 9th grade and ever since then I have counted it amongst my favourite books, because if it weren’t for this book, I doubt I would have discovered any of the others!

Smith’s Rosebud Salve–Another beauty product that changed my life.  I use this for everything, but it is the best lip product I’ve ever found.  It makes my lips so very soft, yet not sticky/overly shiny and doesn’t feel too thick or goopy.  It also has a very pleasant light rose scent.  I put it on extra thick at night (if I’m sleeping alone anyway, which I usually am!) and whenever my lips are feeling dry–I also sometimes use it as a skin moisturizer.  Yes, it does everything!  It’s also super cheap–always a plus in my book!

Top Shop–If you live in New York and have not been to London, then do I have a surprise for you!  This is literally my favourite store ever–it is quite reasonably priced and very fashionable.  I used to be so very sad that I could not go to London more often to acquire their precious goods, but HOORAY because Top Shop has migrated to US–the United States, that is.  Check it out, I assure you, it will be a shopping experience unlike any other!

Chanel Coco Mademoiselle Perfume–I’m a big perfume person–I just always feel more put together and polished when wearing perfume, and this is my absolute favourite one.  It rocks. (Of course–beauty tip–a very small amount is perfectly adequate, particularly with this perfume.  There’s nothing worse than someone who smells too strongly–yuck!!)

7 For All Mankind Jeans–There’s nothing like a great pair of jeans, and what they do for the derriere.  I’m not so much a fan exclusively of these jeans, although I do love them, but I am a big advocate for buying good jeans–it’s all about the fit with jeans, and unfortunately, it is hard to find pairs that fit properly.  This is why I do not mind spending extra cash on good jeans, and 7 for all mankind are great–I’m also a big fan of true religion and paige premium denim.  Jeans are definitely one of my favourite things!

Portrait of Thom Yorke–This is a rad portrait,  and Radiohead and Thom Yorke are two of my very favourite things!  Lately I have been noticing a lot of people being into Radiohead, which is cool with me, but I also get annoyed that people don’t realise they have a rather large body of work and it isn’t best represented by “In Rainbows” alone.  That said, if you haven’t checked out the album, it is amazing–and free!  So I recommend giving it a listen. :)

Louis Vuitton Bag–This was a gift and not something I requested because a) I’m not too into Louis Vuitton and b) it was horrendously overpriced.  That said, I love this bag a lot because it matches everything and is gigantic (I’m all about the gigantic bags)–not to mention, it holds sentimental value.  It is one of my favourite things for these reasons yet I think I love it slightly more because I don’t really use it often because I’m too embarassed to do so with the economic climate being as it is–we’ll see if things change when the economy gets better or I lose some of my consumerist guilt.  It’s all good though, I’m into keeping my guilty pleasures under wraps (or relatively–because of course I can share them with you my lovely blog readers) and loving on my material goods in private.

DuWop Lip Venom–Another product that changed my life!  This lip gloss “stings” your lips, causing them to swell. Haha, that actually sounds really painful and weird, but it isn’t painful at all–it causes a cool tingly sensation and I swear it makes me lips look bigger.  Seriously, this needs to be tried–and guys, I’d encourage your lady friends to purchase it because the sensation it creates is quite interesting, in more ways than one.

Stop Animal Cruelty Sign–Yeah, self explanatory.  I’m not a crazy PETA person but I’m pretty passionate about the fact that a lot of cruelty towards animals is swept under the rug and ignored, and it is completely and utterly fucked up.  When I became a vegetarian, it was because I saw a video of animals being tortured and chickens living their entire lives in cages–I don’t necessarily think it is wrong to eat meat or wear leather (you might have noticed the several leather goods on this very list), but I think the inhumane manner in which these products are produced needs to be seriously re-evaluated.

Pearl Earrings–I’m pretty into pearls–they’re pretty, not too overdone, and go with everything.  I also think they are somewhat unexpected for most people, so that adds depth to any look.  Did I mention they go with everything?  I love pearl earrings because I can wear them everyday without having to worry about it.

Frank Lloyd Wright–I think he’s a genius.  Enough said.

Kurt Halsey Frederiksen work— I discovered this artist when I visited an art house in Philadelphia a few years ago–he’s a local artist, but his work captures the innocence of youth and in myself at least, evokes feelings of nostalgia.  It’s very “cutesy” type stuff but that is what I like about it.  Stylistically, I also identify with his work.  He’s one of my favourite little-known artists.

I think that’s everything. Haha, of course I have many more favourite things, but these were easily accessible in creating my awesome collage and were the first things that came to mind!

I hope everyone has a wonderful day!

I may be writing again later if my boss continues to expect me to pretend to work…

xx Charlee

(also, sorry if excessive exclamation point usage bothers you–I know it can be annoying, but I am in a great (!!) mood today and had several shots of espresso, so making numerous exclamatory statements is the order of the day!)

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coffee snobbery

So, I realise that my last post might have had a rather annoying tone, but this one is probably going to as well, so consider yourself forewarned.  However, there was a comment about distinguishing between different types of espresso/coffee, and I thought I’d write a weblog on the subject, since I am such an expert (not).

I must confess that I am a coffee snob, and was one long before I became a barista and learned the technicalities of why I cannot drink low quality coffee.  So, I have to admit that Starbucks is not the worst coffee out there–in fact, it is of better quality than the shit most companies try to pass off as coffee–and some of my friends get on my case about the fact that I don’t drink bad coffee, but unlike sex, when it’s bad, it’s not still pretty damn good.  It’s just bad.  I’d rather not drink anything than drink a cup of really shit coffee.

That said, there’s also the consideration of individual palates.  I grew up in a home where there was a strong European influence (I have a number of relatives who reside there and a grandmother who wishes she still did), so espresso or dark roast coffee was consumed.  Generally speaking, this is not the “American” preference in terms of coffee, and some of the beverages that are most popular in my coffee shop are beverages which I find gross.  So, I don’t think one can generalize as to what will be most well-liked–some people like a weaker brew or don’t particularly care about the nuances of espresso.

Those facts notwithstanding, I shall share with you the things that strike me when evaluating espresso quality.

Firstly, the obvious one is that it has to be brewed at the proper temperature so as not to produce any bitterness or sourness.  That’s a given.

Secondly, in my opinion, a very important part of espresso is the crema–it is part of its character and essential to the balance of texture and taste that I so love about espresso.  This is produced by the process of compacting the espresso grounds into the cup through which the shot will be pulled (i.e. the water diffused through the grounds to produce the magical liquid)–very few coffee shops still adhere to the “old school” practice of pulling and packing espresso shots by hand, and Starbucks is definitely not one of them.  I am of the opinion that the absence of hand-packing produces an inferior crema, if it even produces one at all (yes, many times at Starbucks my espresso shot has been–gasp–missing the crema.  This appalls me for obvious reasons.)

Another issue for me is also most likely due to the absence of hand-packing, and that is the texture of the espresso.  Espresso is meant to have a very distinct consistency which is quite unique, yet unmistakable.  It is not meant to be watery or similar to the consistency of American coffee–it is more velvety, more dense.  I’ve never before attempted to come up with words for the consistency of espresso so I’m not sure I can adequately express what it is that you’re looking for in words, but it suffices to say that once you have had proper espresso (or had a lot of it), you will be able to tell when it is not of the correct composition and balance.

Lastly, as with most things, good food and good drinks come down to good ingredients.  Again, I’m not saying that Starbucks is the worst offender of  using low quality coffee and espresso beans, but it again suffices to say that the beans they use are not the best beans available and that is clear in the finished product which lacks the depth of flavour one finds in espresso produced from higher quality beans.

These are just a few things off the top of my head that are most flagrant to me when I encounter bad espresso–there are probably many more ways of telling what “good” espresso is (fyi: I was also told that the crema should make a “tiger stripe” pattern 30 seconds to one minute after it reaches the cup) but I’m a palate girl through and through, and I trust what my palate tells me…so these comments are based upon my own taste preferences and are therefore certainly subjective and arguable.

As I said, we all must go to Starbucks at times, but their espresso definitely doesn’t touch real espresso.

Perhaps that is why they feel the need to combine it with so much milk and syrup…

(Hope this is helpful to someone out there!!)

x C

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let’s talk about sex baby…

Anyone remember that song?  “Salt ‘n’ Peppa”, I believe.

So I am now home and solved the dinner dilemma–since I couldn’t decide and don’t really feel like going to the store, I checked my fridge and have some goat cheese, asiago, parmiagano reggiano(sp?), monterey jack, and brie.  I’m thinking I’m going to use a LITTLE bit of the reggiano, and disclude any soy sauce to bring down the saltiness.  Hopefully it will turn out okay!!

Anyway, sex has been on my mind all day my friends.  In two capacities–one being the act of sex because Mr. Martini has come back into my life and turns me on more than any man has in the recent past, and two, the concept of sex (as in gender) because I read a very sexist and offensive weblog on here yesterday.  So I would like to vent a little bit about both topics.  Blog, if you will. :)

On sex–I thought about whether or not it was cool to write about it for the whole world to potentially see, as I am quite a lady in the sense that I adhere to general etiquette rather strictly (sometimes to my detriment ie. causing me to be called “snobby” or “prissy”) and it is obviously somewhat inappropriate in our society to discuss sex openly.  That said, I was recently discussing Tony Blair’s wife with a friend and how the British people have not taken kindly to her being so open in her sexuality, and I couldn’t help but think that if this were a MAN, it would not be looked upon the same way.  So, although I shall still adhere to my mother’s wishes of being the epitome of a lady in my public life, I’m going to allow myself to vent about sex on here because I can’t think of any reason why the hell not. (And I’m going to pray my mother or friends never stumble upon this weblog!)

The stigma of speaking openly about making love in our society is especially bothersome to me because it’s something I very much love, both poetically and literally.  That is, I am a very sexual person and enjoy it immensely, but in addition to that, I have a genuine intellectual interest in sex as a biological phenomenon as well as the psychological/sociological aspects of sex.

Intellectuality aside, though, I LOVE sex; I think that is actually a primary reason for my academic interest in it.  Sadly, though, as I have touched upon before, I am not into the idea of monogamy right now–it just doesn’t suit my worldview, my way of life, or my feelings on relationships.  So, doing the math, what does that mean my friends?  No sex for Charlee.

Yeah, it’s a pretty serious bummer, but in some aspects I think it’s good–most of the time I think of myself as being somewhat of a Morrissey-inspired person, in the sense that I don’t see myself as celibate but to not have all relationships based in physicality is an enlightening and helpful experience in terms of self-awareness and growth.  (Btw, I LOVE Morrissey so very much–and I don’t particularly care if that’s cliché!)

It is very funny to me how my generation views sex though.  As in, I don’t think my mother could say that when she was my age, she had several friends who currently have (or who have had in the past) a regular “booty call”.  But, particularly for very driven young people (ie. my college friends), there are only so many hours in the day and I think to have a casual sexual relationship with someone is something that has evolved out of necessity for many young people.

Anyway–circumstances being what they are in that I have not gotten busy with a man in a while, Mr. Martini has been turning me on big time.  I mean, I’m incredibly turned on by him in general (as if you couldn’t tell), but him popping up out of nowhere and being his amazingly adorable self really isn’t helping my desire to avoid sexual contact with him.

The reason why this has been on my mind all day?  Last night, we had a few drinks back at the hotel after dinner, and it started to get rather late, causing him to suggest I stay.  It was really the most prudent choice and it was terribly cold and I was rather drunk, so I said that would be okay.  I stayed in a separate bedroom, but was still left wondering if something could or should have happened.

It’s just so odd because I don’t see us being together–he’s so all over the place, and I’m so right here (for now) and there is no sense in trying to commit to someone you can’t see in person on a regular basis.  That said, I really do love him and know he loves me, and isn’t that all that is supposed to matter?

I don’t know–what I DO know is that I need a break from all the Mr. Martini business, so a girlfriend and I are going to happy hour tonight and then out.  It should be a fun night!

Hope everyone else has a fabulous night also!

xx Charlee

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