Tag Archives: love

He’s Just Not That Into You!

Ok I know this film came out a long time ago.

However, the fact that I have ADD, and, like, a life, means that I rarely get to see films, much less romantic comedies.  That said, I meant to see this film FOREVER, because it is one of my favourite books and probably the reason why all of my girl friends’ boyfriends hated me in college.  Whateva.

Anywho. The film was supa funny and is now one of my favourite films because it was hilariously awkward…in fact, it was even TOO AWKWARD at times.  Remember that I have a high awkwardness threshold friends, so when I say it was intense, I mean this bitch was whack.

Anyway, because I LOVE this book and because apparently some bitches is whack, I am devoting this posting to all my crazy bitches out there.

And in case you were wondering, my love of this book stems from the fact that I dated a guy who was just not that into me for about three years. I know, how tragic.

Well this is why I now like to run my mouth about keeping men in line, because sadly I failed to get the point that homeboy was not into me for way too long, and I know I’m not the only one who has done this.

About the book: it is set up according to excuses.  It is outlined by the excuses guys make because making excuses is easier than saying “I’m just not that into you.” As they put it in the book: He is a man made up entirely of your excuses.  And the minute you stop making excuses for him, he will completely disappear from your life.

Unfortunately, I do not know where my copy of this book is, I may have given it away or it may be in storage, so I obtained some excerpts and interpreted them accordingly.  You’re welcome.

The “He Is Super Busy Right Now” Excuse

Don’t let the “honeys” and the “babys” fool you.  His sweet nothings are exactly that.  They are much easier to say than “I’m just not that into you.”  Remember, actions speak louder than, “There’s no cell reception where I am right now.”

Calling when you say you’re going to call is the very first brick in the house you are building of love and trust.  If he can’t lay this one stupid brick down, you ain’t never gonna have a house, baby.  And it’s cold outside.

The “But He Just Needs Some Time” Excuse

Cut your losses and don’t waste your time .  Why stay in some weird dating limbo when you can move on to what will surely be better territory? Don’t want to hear it?  Fine.  Here’s the answer you’re looking for, “Hang in there, baby.  He’s not the loser everybody’s telling you he is.  If you wait and keep your mouth shut and call at exactly the right time and anticipate his moods and have no expectations about communication or your own sexual needs, you can have him!”  But please don’t be surprised if he dumps you or continues to drag you through a completely unsatisfying relationship.

The “He Is Just Shy” Excuse

Men, for the most part, like to pursue women.  We (men) like not knowing if we can catch you.  We feel rewarded when we do.

The “He Is Worried About Damaging The Friendship” Excuse

He will always be able to play the “friend” card on you.  He only  has to be responsible for the expectations of a friend, rather than the the far greater expectations of a boyfriend.  He’s got the ultimate situation: a great friend with all the benefits of a girlfriend, whom he can see or not see whenever he wants to.  He may be one of your closest friends, but I’m sorry to say … as a boyfriend, he’s just not that into you.

Beware of the word “friend”.  It can often be used by men or the women that love them to excuse the most unfriendly behavior.  Personally, when I’m picking friends, I like the ones who don’t make me cry myself to sleep.

The “He Wants To Take It Slow” Excuse

I don’t want to be “sort of dating” someone.  I don’t want to be “kinda hanging out” with someone.  I don’t want to spend a lot of energy suppressing my feelings so I appear uninvolved.  I want to be involved.  I want to be sleeping with someone I know I’ll see again because they’ve already demonstarted to me that they’re trustworthy and honorable — and into me.

Alright I think my place in Heaven has now been reserved.  Please think about these wise words from Liz and Greg the next time your lova starts acting up, and if you are into praying or that sort of thing, I’d appreciate you putting in a good word for me because I have been sinning a lot lately and I am a little concerned.

x C

1 Comment

Filed under film, men, personal, random, whack attacks

true confessions & revolutionary road review (kind of)

I have a confession to make my friends: I have no clue how I got into the world of academia (if you can call it that–hint: you can’t).

No. Fucking. Clue.  I’m not very well-suited to intellectualism in terms of personality (or intellectuality, for that matter) and I don’t think I ever consciously decided I wanted to end up where I am today.  The point is…I at some point came to the conclusion (okay, I’m pretty sure I was watching a film by some sort of overly-clichéd director, and was most likely baked out of my skull) that I should have gone to film school.  It was never something I even remotely considered, but I think it would have been pretty fucking sweet.

ANYWAY, because of this latent desire, I sometimes feel the need to write my opinions on films I have seen.  So, enjoy the exorcism of my half-baked scheme.

I recently saw the film Revolutionary Road and really enjoyed it, as I knew I would, because Kate Winslet + Leonardo Dicaprio = two of the greatest actors of our time, in my humble opinion.

Something that was quite striking to me was the intimacy of the filmmaking.  I recalled after the film that Kate Winslet’s husband (Sam Mendes) directed the film, to which the unique presentation can probably be attributed.  There was something vaguely marked about way the story of this couple was told, and I had trouble conceptualizing precisely what it was, but I really think the best way to describe it is that it was particularly intimate–every facet of their marriage, their emotions, and the complex interplay between the two, came across on the screen.  It really seems fitting and explanatory that there existed this incredibly close relationship between the person behind the camera and the person in front of it (as much of the film revolved around Kate’s character).

Aside from the philosophical takeaway I got from the film, I enjoyed it stylistically–the music/costumes/set design were magnificent and made the story far more engaging.  The acting was absolutely superb, not only in the lead roles, but there were a number of supporting characters (namely, Leo’s work buddies, their overzealous garden-obsessed neighbor, and her institutionalized son) that I felt added a lot to the film and whom I thought about afterward.  Some of the dialogue was a bit much for me (some of the lines actually made me laugh, during dramatic scenes) but that is a complaint I have fairly often.

The ‘story’ was basically of these two people and their perceptions, interactions, and methods of coping with a life that had not been meticulously constructed to suit them.  They questioned whether or not this was the life they’d imagined (any Thoreau fans out there?) and what–if anything–they could change in their collective life to increase their satisfaction with it.  To be more precise, the fundamental concept that underlied their conundrum (in my view) was whether their circumstances needed to be altered, or if it was simply their perception that needed changing.

I often wonder this in my own life–particularly because I tend to do things that I think I am expected to do.  A perfect example would be my choice to get a relatively serious job, when I was perfectly happy chilling and being  a barista–I felt lazy and lame about that choice, but the truth is, I took time off from my studies so that I could have time to myself and not have to worry about the world’s idea of what I should want.

Ergo, this film really resonated with me.  I think many of us ‘go with the flow’ only to one day look at our lives and wonder who told us that we had to want all of this…whether it’s the two kids and the picket fence in suburbia (as in the film) or a career in academia or medicine or some other pretty serious field (as in my life!)–as I think she said in the film, at some point, we just keep doing what we’ve been doing to prove to ourselves that it hasn’t all been a mistake.

Interestingly, the person who most identified with this notion in the film was the one who had been deemed insane.   Kate’s character’s plans for “fixing” her life were portrayed as unrealistic, and yet the ‘crazy person’ in the film thought they were entirely necessary–this is very interesting to me and quite relevant, I think, in the overall conversation about what happiness is, and the role of desires and practicality within that conception.

I really enjoyed the film.  It really spoke to the numbing nature of certain aspects of life and did a really wonderful job of examining different perspectives of life in suburbia, and life in general.

I’m not sure I’d view it again (although I very rarely view films twice due to my attention deficit) but it was very thought-provoking for me and I’m quite pleased that I finally got around to seeing it! Definitely worth seeing, blogga-buddies. :)

xx Charlee

6 Comments

Filed under film

i am the queen of indecision

Sorry I have been MIA from blogga world!   That is partly because I’ve been very busy (barf) but also because a few rather difficult events have occurred recently in my life, and it’s hard to write about something relatively trivial when someone (or in my case, someoneS) that you love are going through serious sh*t.  At the same time, to try to write about the intense life-and-death events that have recently occurred is quite difficult also–I actually find writing rather therapeutic and began to write a posting about the things that have happened, but then I started to question if I really felt comfortable putting that much of myself–that much incredibly personal information–out into the world.

I’m an incredibly private person, and I know that is something people say fairly often, but I really am exceptionally private to the point that I’ve been called ‘secretive’.  It’s not that I really go out of my way to keep things to myself, it’s just that I don’t understand others’ expectation to be privy to the goings-on in my life; this is something that seems to really bother a lot of people in my life, but one has to wonder why our society has become one where everyone’s entire lives are completely public and “out-there”.  Since when did it become normal to chronicle our entire lives for our friends–and even strangers, and why has it become the norm to expose oneself rather intimately, seemingly without a second thought?

Seriously–facebook, myspace, weblogs–how much of yourself do you put on the internet for all to see?  I find facebook quite invasive, and to be frank, a bit freaky, but it’s basically unavoidable.  That said, I rarely use it and don’t really have very much information/photos/etc. on there, nor will I become “friends” with someone on there unless I know them incredibly well.  Facebook has long freaked me out, and I did have a weblog before this one, but it was anonymous.  Oddly enough, until recently, I hadn’t given a second thought to the implications of having a weblog and writing about my entire life, but I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately.

For some reason, to me, it feels as though putting certain aspects of my life out there for public consumption trivializes them.  This is just another way that I seem weird to my friends apparently, but it happens to be a facet of who I am that the nature of things and the philosophy behind many aspects of my existence consumes me at times.  I just feel like I need to own my life and my relationships–and I know that one might wonder how sharing things with people changes that–and I suppose in reality, it doesn’t, but the idea of speaking casually and nonchalantly about the things that are dear to me–the things in my life that I consider sacred–just isn’t appealing to me.  I’d rather not discuss them at all.

Not to mention–it isn’t anyone’s fucking business…I couldn’t care less about the details of my friends’ relationships, etc. (unless of course they are seeking advice or comfort or whatever) so I don’t know why they not only care about that information, but seem to think I am obligated to share it.

Part of the reason I am so weird about this could be that I come from a somewhat public family, and I probably on some level resent that, even if I don’t consciously think I do.

Anyway, I will most likely get over this soon, because I do enjoy writing on here and it is rather cathartic in a lot of ways.  Sometimes my crazy need for privacy just becomes extra intense, or as my therapist would say, I have ‘intimacy issues’ at times.

Hope all is chill with you, blogga-buddies! :)

xx Charlee

Leave a comment

Filed under random, ruminations, whatever

f my life

Firstly, if you have missed out on the brilliance of this website, then I suggest you check out fmylife.com!  It is quite hilarious, and totally my sense of humour, as there is nothing I find more amusing that the absurdity of everyday life.

Secondly…my apologies for being a delinquent blogga.  I spent the majority of last week paying for my one day of freedom with extreme productivity and also dealt with a bit of an internal conflict regarding the concept of keeping a weblog.  But I’m chillin’ now…so it is all good.

Thirdly, the past week or so has been overflowing with manly misadventures so  I suppose I shall update you on what has gone down!

I made the rainbow cake (which will be a tale for another day) for Mason and he kind of freaked out…he made such a big deal out of it that I didn’t really know what to say or do.  I am generally immune to awkwardness, but I didn’t really think it was a huge deal, and he acted like I’d given him a kidney.  Marley told me this was because I was ‘clearly declaring my love for him, à la Napoleon Dynamite’ (in the film Napoleon’s sidekick with a poor grasp of the English language, Pedro, suggests that in order to ask a girl to a dance, Napoleon “bake her a cake or something”).  This left me feeling like a big dork, a sentiment that was only made worse the day after Mason’s party when my coworker Theresa commented that Mason ‘looked like he was going to cry’ when I gave him the cake.  Not exactly the reaction I was going for.

This strange situation was further compounded by the fact that I had to work Saturday night–I had volunteered to work on Valentine’s Day because I’m not the biggest fan of said cheesefest and especially of the behaviour it tends to induce in Mr. Martini, although I was no more interested in spending the “holiday” with any of the other men in my life right now.  Not to mention, I knew most of my coworkers were in relationships so I thought it would be nice if they could have the night off to recite poetry and listen to Sinatra.  See, I’m not entirely bitter!

However, Mason switched shifts with someone so that we could work together Saturday night…so that ‘my Valentine’s Day wouldn’t completely suck’.  I thought this was very sweet, and was quite excited that we’d be spending the evening together–even if it were to be spent at work.  After the cake incident, though, I was a bit weirded out about this, especially since he has a girlfriend–I imagine they are on the verge of breaking up, but nonetheless, I’m not trying to spend singles awareness day with someone who is not single…

Then there’s Mr. Martini, who spent the weekend here despite my numerous reminders that I would not be available on Saturday, and true to form, planned a super over-the-top date for Friday night.

Unfortunately, one of my very best friends was dumped by her EVIL boyfriend on Thursday.  Yup, you read that correctly.  Her boyfriend of five years broke up with her right before Valentine’s Day.  I cannot tell you how angry this makes me, but I am comforted by the fact that I know karma will come back to bite him in his sorry ass.

So, considering that my friend was feeling a bit psycho-crazy, I thought it best to not leave her alone Friday night…however, I also felt awful cancelling on Mr. Martini.  So, I told him what was up, and because he is so crazy awesome, he said that she could come along.  I also felt like getting her out and about and wined and dined would be good for her morale.  And my dear, sweet, Mr. Martini was so very cool about it and even got roses and chocolate for my friend.  How nice is that?  I was really happy that he was so nice about her crashing because we hadn’t seen each other in a while and I think he was looking forward to some intense romance…but, he was perfectly kind and understanding, he even listened to my friend moan throughout the entire evening and was totally sincerely sympathetic and comforting.  It made me appreciate him so much more, because I know he isn’t particularly fond of this friend and we haven’t been on the best terms, and the fact that he was so sweet about the whole thing was just incredibly endearing.

Blah blah blah, this entry is boring me…

To sum things up, Mason and I had fun making fun of the yucky couples on Valentine’s Day, and my girlfriend joined in, as she chilled at the coffee shoppe all night so she would not be ‘drowning in an ocean of tears’ as she so nonchalantly put it.  Then, the three of us went out and drank massive amounts of tequila and continued to have a number of laughs at the expense of Cupid et al.

However, tequila has long been an enemy of mine, something I conveniently forget all-too-often, and upon approaching Mr. Martini’s hotel, I felt the uncontrollable impulse to tell the cab driver I needed to get out.  It is true, I showed up at my (ex) lover’s hotel room at 2 am on Valentine’s Day, exceptionally intoxicated.  How tragic am I?

Mr. Martini was awake and seemed pleased to see me, although I do believe he was somewhat taken aback by my drunken state as I tend to be on my best behaviour in his presence.  I don’t recall much but I believe I went to sleep straightaway, presumably after confessing my undying love and devotion to him.  The next morning, I awoke quite late and probably looking somewhat reminiscent of roadkill, to an awesome champagne breakfast (I obviously skipped the bubbly) and Mr. Martini smirking at me and inquiring as to when we were going to ‘talk about last night’.  I believe I told him “never”, and left it at that–truthfully, I kind of wish that Mr. Martini had skipped the very sweet gesture of ordering breakfast because I was probably blushing throughout the meal and really, really just wanted to leave.

But it gets better.  I arrived at work yesterday to discover that Mason and my friend had spent the night together, ‘but nothing happened.’  My friend confirmed this supposed innocence, but  it’s kind of the latest turn-off in a string of unappealing actions for Mason–not least of all because I think it highly inappropriate for someone with a girlfriend to be sharing a bed with anyone…and certainly not my best friend who just had her heart broken.  Although he tells me “she said she just didn’t want to be alone” and he “felt bad”, to me this screams of shadiness.  Perhaps I am imagining it though…maybe they’re both just oddballs. In any case, it makes me think to myself, “fuck my life”.

So tonight I must face Mr. Martini…and I am really embarrassed because I unfortunately have very little recollection of the other night.  Boo!

…f my life. :)

I hope everyone out there in blogga-land had a fantastic Valentine’s Day, devoid of drunken debauchery and intoxicated impromptu sonnets!

xx Charlee

1 Comment

Filed under chronicles, men, personal, random

curses!

Ladies and gentlemen of the internet, I feel as though I am cursed!  The recent turn of events in my life has me questioning the possibility of someone performing black magic upon me; I am legitimately half-way serious about this suspicion.

One recent curse is my newfound semi-ambitious attitude, which prompted me to take a job instructing undergraduates–why is this a curse you ask?  Well, I suppose the true curse is my laziness, because I took the job so late that the subjects I would have enjoyed teaching were not available and I am now stuck reciting calculus.  Unfortunately, my dim-witted arse was unable to make the necessary neurological connections to come to the conclusion that I’m not especially qualified for this position because I have not done calculus in quite some time–therefore, the lack of calculus combined with my cannabis-damaged memory has really been cramping my style this week.

So now I have tons of studying to do, as I can hardly even remember how to take the derivative of something.  That’s actually not a joke.  Sad, right? (I know there are some math geeks out there!)

Not to mention I made the poor choice of going out tonight instead of getting work done, I have to work tomorrow, and perhaps most foreboding–I must rise at 8 am.  Clearly this is the result of witchcraft.

Also, to update you on my misadventures: I texted Mr. Martini to say I wasn’t sure what I wanted from him.  Straightforward and honest is always the way to go, right?  Wrong.  He sent me a text that said: “Well let me know when you figure it out.”  Psh!! Perhaps he didn’t intend for that to come off with an air of attitude, but it did, and I’m bothered by it because Mr. Martini is usually very chill, unlike the excessively moody men I’ve had the misfortune of spending time with in the past–and I am not into it.  At all.

Things have been weird with BC as well, and I feel as though I might be in a bit over my head.  We’ve been spending quite a bit of time together and talking a lot–which is cool, because he’s a friend and I know he’s going through a hard time, and I did sort of miss him.  But, the other aspect of the equation is that we’re sleeping together and that means lots of sleepovers and snuggling and couple-y things, which I’m not altogether comfortable with.  One of my friends told me my “radar of commitment-phobia” is unnecessarily going off, and I think he was right–I have no reason to be getting stressed out over this because we’re just hanging out and having fun (even if that entails breaking the booty call code).  Right?  Right.

This is simply further evidence of the dark-sided stuff going on in my life!  (major love to you if you know what that phrase is a reference to)

Furthermore, insomnia has continued to be an intense issue for me.  Needless to say, this is very unhealthy and worrisome!  And also further evidence of my thesis.

Curses!  I am cursed.

xx Charlee

5 Comments

Filed under men, personal, random

I’m so vain??

Haha, an old lover used to sing that Carly Simon song to me all the time.  Alas, he was incorrect in his accusations because I am not vain.  In fact, I think I am less vain than most women out there!

Anyway I’d like to apologize for my minor freakout blog postings yesterday–I was really caught off guard by Mr. Martini sending me such a forward message, not to mention the fact that insomnia interferes with proper brain function.

However, I have still not responded to Mr. Martini because I just don’t know what to say–I feel a bit rude, but he had to know when asking me that I may not respond.

On to the present moment, in which I am struggling with my vanity.  I generally don’t fancy myself a very superficial person, but BC has been texting me today and wanting to go out tonight, and whilst pondering this possibility, I realised that I would not be pondering it if it were not for his extreme hottness.  Which is sad, I think.

In my defense, I have gone out on dates before with guys who were amazingly beautiful, but whom conversing with made me want to barf.  Hence, I did not go on second dates with them.  So I’m not entirely hopeless.

And BC is cool.  He’s an interesting and intelligent guy–it’s just that, being the self-aware chick that I am (read with sarcasm), I know if he were not so devastatingly good-looking, I wouldn’t be into him.  I guess it kind of makes sense though because I’ve already established that I’m not into his personality…

Hmph.  Sorry to burden you, dearest weblog reader, with my manly ruminations–I’m starting to feel like I’m writing chick lit.  This is not a good feeling!  However, I am going through various phases of uncertainty regarding the men in my life so to write about it is a natural thing and I think (?) somewhat helpful in fleshing out my thoughts.

Anyway I’m posting up in a coffee shop right now (not my own) because I’ve decided to take a few courses this semester and I’m waiting around this part of town until they start–I’ve always wanted to learn some extra languages in my spare time, and I realised (a) there’s no time like the present and (b) my lazy ass is probably never going to get on that unless I have a class forcing me to do so.  So I’m taking Spanish and ASL (I already speak French)–I’d like to take Arabic, but I thought perhaps that would be too ambitious with my other commitments at this time.

So what do you think?  Does giving BC the time of day simply because he’s hot make me vain?

I think it does…might have to call the ex and tell him he was right after all…

xx Charlee

3 Comments

Filed under men, personal, ruminations

a little lovin’ with your tea? (yup, I kiss and write)

Yes–I’m getting right down to business with that title, because today I had some really amazing sex my friends.

As I previously discussed, I was unsure about writing about my sexcapades (n. pl., sexual escapades) on here, but you won’t judge me, will you, dearest weblog reader?  (Still hoping my mother isn’t reading this because lord knows she would judge the shit out of me.)

Anyway, the part of the city where I am teaching happens to be very close to my former booty call’s place of work.  I hadn’t seen him in probably around a year (since we were both seeing other people) and I decided to give him a call to see if he wanted to meet for lunch and catch up.  And catch up, we did.

It turns out that the girlfriend didn’t work out and he is single again.  Well, after lunch he invited me to his office for tea, claiming that he wanted a distraction from a stressful deal.  As usually tends to happen with him and I, one thing led to another, and we got busy, and it was amazing.

I hate to say this, as the notion really pains me because it goes against my idealistic view of the world, but I have yet to find someone I click with sexually the way I do with him…our sex is so good.  So. Good.  The reason it pains me though is that other than sexually, we are not on the same page–hell, we’re not even in the same book.

I also cannot believe I had sex with him in his office!  Just call me Slutty McSlutslut.

However it worked out amazingly well for me because a) I needed to have sex very badly (it had been a very long time), and b) I am not going to get busy with Mr. Martini (for several reasons).

I finally feel like I can think clearly again without having sex on the brain all the time!  I probably would not have done it had I not been in such dire need.

To people who question whether or not booty call relationships can remain purely sexual, I am here to tell you that it is quite easy if you aren’t all that crazy about the person.  Booty Call is a good guy and a dear friend, but not someone I’d ever date (which is something I learned very shortly into our relationship).

Although he is a PERFECT booty call because in addition to his major skills in the lady-pleasing department, he has a CAR-AZY HOT body.  Literally.  Just looking at him makes me want to rip his clothes off.  Ironically though, this is also a reason why I could not date him, because although I value health and clearly deeply enjoy his body, I also know how much time he spends at the gym and not only would I be annoyed to date someone who would do that, but I’d also have to question whether or not they were excessively shallow/vain (which he clearly is).

I do love his bod though.

It’s kind of funny because I didn’t really intend to have things unfold the way that they did, I actually just wanted to grab lunch, but I get the sneaking suspicion that he took it as a mid-day booty call; which is weird because our lunch was very friendly and he actually opened up to me a lot more than he has traditionally (homeboy is having some lady trouble) and after we got down he said he “wished we could cuddle” because “he’s missed me” and “hoped we could start hanging out again.”  Evidently, his ex-girlfriend really burned him.

Of course, I was pleased at the prospect of having a booty call again–for the record, I call him Booty Call because he’s the only booty call I have ever had (despite evidence to the contrary, I am not a floozy), and he has been my BC for several years.  And I love him for it. And for the things he does to me. :-)

That said I’m not sure I’m into the casual sex thing anymore–it was fun when I was in college, and certainly convenient, but it seemed appropriate then, and though I love sex it seems a bit immature, and yes, promiscuous, at this stage of my life to have a purely sexual relationship.

We shall see!

Goodnight!

xx Charlee

1 Comment

Filed under men, personal, sex