Tag Archives: men

curses!

Ladies and gentlemen of the internet, I feel as though I am cursed!  The recent turn of events in my life has me questioning the possibility of someone performing black magic upon me; I am legitimately half-way serious about this suspicion.

One recent curse is my newfound semi-ambitious attitude, which prompted me to take a job instructing undergraduates–why is this a curse you ask?  Well, I suppose the true curse is my laziness, because I took the job so late that the subjects I would have enjoyed teaching were not available and I am now stuck reciting calculus.  Unfortunately, my dim-witted arse was unable to make the necessary neurological connections to come to the conclusion that I’m not especially qualified for this position because I have not done calculus in quite some time–therefore, the lack of calculus combined with my cannabis-damaged memory has really been cramping my style this week.

So now I have tons of studying to do, as I can hardly even remember how to take the derivative of something.  That’s actually not a joke.  Sad, right? (I know there are some math geeks out there!)

Not to mention I made the poor choice of going out tonight instead of getting work done, I have to work tomorrow, and perhaps most foreboding–I must rise at 8 am.  Clearly this is the result of witchcraft.

Also, to update you on my misadventures: I texted Mr. Martini to say I wasn’t sure what I wanted from him.  Straightforward and honest is always the way to go, right?  Wrong.  He sent me a text that said: “Well let me know when you figure it out.”  Psh!! Perhaps he didn’t intend for that to come off with an air of attitude, but it did, and I’m bothered by it because Mr. Martini is usually very chill, unlike the excessively moody men I’ve had the misfortune of spending time with in the past–and I am not into it.  At all.

Things have been weird with BC as well, and I feel as though I might be in a bit over my head.  We’ve been spending quite a bit of time together and talking a lot–which is cool, because he’s a friend and I know he’s going through a hard time, and I did sort of miss him.  But, the other aspect of the equation is that we’re sleeping together and that means lots of sleepovers and snuggling and couple-y things, which I’m not altogether comfortable with.  One of my friends told me my “radar of commitment-phobia” is unnecessarily going off, and I think he was right–I have no reason to be getting stressed out over this because we’re just hanging out and having fun (even if that entails breaking the booty call code).  Right?  Right.

This is simply further evidence of the dark-sided stuff going on in my life!  (major love to you if you know what that phrase is a reference to)

Furthermore, insomnia has continued to be an intense issue for me.  Needless to say, this is very unhealthy and worrisome!  And also further evidence of my thesis.

Curses!  I am cursed.

xx Charlee

Advertisements

5 Comments

Filed under men, personal, random

I’m so vain??

Haha, an old lover used to sing that Carly Simon song to me all the time.  Alas, he was incorrect in his accusations because I am not vain.  In fact, I think I am less vain than most women out there!

Anyway I’d like to apologize for my minor freakout blog postings yesterday–I was really caught off guard by Mr. Martini sending me such a forward message, not to mention the fact that insomnia interferes with proper brain function.

However, I have still not responded to Mr. Martini because I just don’t know what to say–I feel a bit rude, but he had to know when asking me that I may not respond.

On to the present moment, in which I am struggling with my vanity.  I generally don’t fancy myself a very superficial person, but BC has been texting me today and wanting to go out tonight, and whilst pondering this possibility, I realised that I would not be pondering it if it were not for his extreme hottness.  Which is sad, I think.

In my defense, I have gone out on dates before with guys who were amazingly beautiful, but whom conversing with made me want to barf.  Hence, I did not go on second dates with them.  So I’m not entirely hopeless.

And BC is cool.  He’s an interesting and intelligent guy–it’s just that, being the self-aware chick that I am (read with sarcasm), I know if he were not so devastatingly good-looking, I wouldn’t be into him.  I guess it kind of makes sense though because I’ve already established that I’m not into his personality…

Hmph.  Sorry to burden you, dearest weblog reader, with my manly ruminations–I’m starting to feel like I’m writing chick lit.  This is not a good feeling!  However, I am going through various phases of uncertainty regarding the men in my life so to write about it is a natural thing and I think (?) somewhat helpful in fleshing out my thoughts.

Anyway I’m posting up in a coffee shop right now (not my own) because I’ve decided to take a few courses this semester and I’m waiting around this part of town until they start–I’ve always wanted to learn some extra languages in my spare time, and I realised (a) there’s no time like the present and (b) my lazy ass is probably never going to get on that unless I have a class forcing me to do so.  So I’m taking Spanish and ASL (I already speak French)–I’d like to take Arabic, but I thought perhaps that would be too ambitious with my other commitments at this time.

So what do you think?  Does giving BC the time of day simply because he’s hot make me vain?

I think it does…might have to call the ex and tell him he was right after all…

xx Charlee

3 Comments

Filed under men, personal, ruminations

a little lovin’ with your tea? (yup, I kiss and write)

Yes–I’m getting right down to business with that title, because today I had some really amazing sex my friends.

As I previously discussed, I was unsure about writing about my sexcapades (n. pl., sexual escapades) on here, but you won’t judge me, will you, dearest weblog reader?  (Still hoping my mother isn’t reading this because lord knows she would judge the shit out of me.)

Anyway, the part of the city where I am teaching happens to be very close to my former booty call’s place of work.  I hadn’t seen him in probably around a year (since we were both seeing other people) and I decided to give him a call to see if he wanted to meet for lunch and catch up.  And catch up, we did.

It turns out that the girlfriend didn’t work out and he is single again.  Well, after lunch he invited me to his office for tea, claiming that he wanted a distraction from a stressful deal.  As usually tends to happen with him and I, one thing led to another, and we got busy, and it was amazing.

I hate to say this, as the notion really pains me because it goes against my idealistic view of the world, but I have yet to find someone I click with sexually the way I do with him…our sex is so good.  So. Good.  The reason it pains me though is that other than sexually, we are not on the same page–hell, we’re not even in the same book.

I also cannot believe I had sex with him in his office!  Just call me Slutty McSlutslut.

However it worked out amazingly well for me because a) I needed to have sex very badly (it had been a very long time), and b) I am not going to get busy with Mr. Martini (for several reasons).

I finally feel like I can think clearly again without having sex on the brain all the time!  I probably would not have done it had I not been in such dire need.

To people who question whether or not booty call relationships can remain purely sexual, I am here to tell you that it is quite easy if you aren’t all that crazy about the person.  Booty Call is a good guy and a dear friend, but not someone I’d ever date (which is something I learned very shortly into our relationship).

Although he is a PERFECT booty call because in addition to his major skills in the lady-pleasing department, he has a CAR-AZY HOT body.  Literally.  Just looking at him makes me want to rip his clothes off.  Ironically though, this is also a reason why I could not date him, because although I value health and clearly deeply enjoy his body, I also know how much time he spends at the gym and not only would I be annoyed to date someone who would do that, but I’d also have to question whether or not they were excessively shallow/vain (which he clearly is).

I do love his bod though.

It’s kind of funny because I didn’t really intend to have things unfold the way that they did, I actually just wanted to grab lunch, but I get the sneaking suspicion that he took it as a mid-day booty call; which is weird because our lunch was very friendly and he actually opened up to me a lot more than he has traditionally (homeboy is having some lady trouble) and after we got down he said he “wished we could cuddle” because “he’s missed me” and “hoped we could start hanging out again.”  Evidently, his ex-girlfriend really burned him.

Of course, I was pleased at the prospect of having a booty call again–for the record, I call him Booty Call because he’s the only booty call I have ever had (despite evidence to the contrary, I am not a floozy), and he has been my BC for several years.  And I love him for it. And for the things he does to me. :-)

That said I’m not sure I’m into the casual sex thing anymore–it was fun when I was in college, and certainly convenient, but it seemed appropriate then, and though I love sex it seems a bit immature, and yes, promiscuous, at this stage of my life to have a purely sexual relationship.

We shall see!

Goodnight!

xx Charlee

1 Comment

Filed under men, personal, sex

Naturally!

coffee stainSo, dearest weblog reader, I chose to solve my ethical dilemma via the old “have your cake and eat it too” strategy. I decided to reschedule hanging out with Mason for Friday and go out with Mr. Martini on Saturday.

It’s been terribly, and I do mean terribly, cold outside in my geographical region and I wanted to have a wing woman, naturally, so I decided to have Mason and Chad come to our place for dinner and drinks on Friday. All was going well, when Mason decided to tell me that he “was kind of hoping we could be alone” because he had something to tell me. Well, I didn’t know how to take that, but then he dropped the bomb on me that he didn’t know how to tell me but he had been wanting to quit for a while, but “then he realized we can still hang out outside of work”, and that this realization had led him to feel that there is no reason not to quit.

So, the one person at work who is not currently under the care of a psychiatrist nor in need of mental help is QUITTING! Leaving me with the psychos. Naturally.

I was clearly very excited to hear this news–but I must confess that I had the odd sensation (perhaps in part due to his tone of voice and demeanor) that I was being broken up with. He is my work lover (also known colloquially as “work spouse” or “work boyfriend“) and it did in some ways reflect “the talk” between soon to be ex-lovers.  Yes, I do on occasion want to have him as an actual lover, but he’s also the person at work whom I can always bitch to, gossip to, and whom I genuinely like–therefore, imagining work without him makes me frown.

Naturally, I’m quite upset over this recent development.

So now I am going to go eat my feelings and console myself with pizza (naturally).

-C

Leave a comment

Filed under chronicles, men, random

pretty words

When beauty grows too great to bear,

How shall I ease me of its ache?

For beauty more than bitterness

Makes the heart break.

Leave a comment

Filed under personal, random

is all fair in love and war?

Kind of a cheesy/cliché concept, but it’s something that has been on my mind a lot because I’ve been reading about behaviour in war and love is always on my mind because I’m silly like that!

I’ve also been re-examing my own sense of morality A LOT.  I was raised with a great sense of altruism and I took for granted that others were of the same moral integrity.  Of course, I have learned that most people really don’t care about morality–I’m not sure if this is due to the group of people whom I know well, and I hesitate to use sweeping generalizations to characterize people but for the sake of my point, they are all generally well-educated, intellectual types who are not prone to belief in the divine and who have read enough ethical theory to have developed strong viewpoints on the issue.  I’m not saying they are all immoral, that is far from the case, however I have yet to find someone who has an inner sense of “doing the right thing” as strong as my own–and I’ve kind of grown to resent it, if that was not already clear.

There’s just as much literature arguing for amorality as there is all the different conceptions of morality and why they are important…

I’m not saying I will ever be able to abandon my strong sense of the collective good (or my guilt for my volitions that oppose it!) but ESPECIALLY in terms of relationships, I feel like my need to be concerned for others is becoming detrimental to my own self-interest.

Almost all of my friends have done things in their romantic lives that I find completely unacceptable, but do the ends justify the means?

The reason why I ask all of this is because Mason called me today to ask if I wanted to hang out Saturday night.  There are two reasons why this is inhabiting my mental space–one is that Mr. Martini called me (a call which I ignored because he is making me feel stressed out and pressured) and left a voicemail saying he “wants to come see me this weekend.”  Barf.  That sounds bitchy–in all truth, I’d love to see him, I love spending time with him, and think he’s incredibly fabulous.  However, that is the very problem, because the fact remains that we are not together and that we’re not going to be together and I wish he’d stop acting in a manner that seems to be ignorant of these facts.  So moral question one, do I ditch him…do I lie to him…do I not call back…?  I’d REALLY like to go to dinner with Mason.  Unfortunately, I generally try not to make a habit of going on pseudo-dates with guys who have girlfriends–I have for quite some time been struggling with my attraction to him and the fact that I don’t even think it is okay to flirt with a guy who is taken.

Which brings me back to my main point…is all fair in love and war?  I feel in some respects that everyone else seems to think it is and I’m getting “left behind” by being so concerned with acting morally…

or am I just trying to rationalise the fact that I want to jump Mason’s bones?  Badly.

I think I have to ponder this a little more, perhaps it will come to me in my dreams–sending out vibes to Freud to expose my subconscious feelings on this !

Goodnight~!

xx Charlee

4 Comments

Filed under chronicles, men, personal, ruminations

sexiness (or, I’m in love with Jon Favreau)

Luckily, I have a few days off this week because I had intended to go to DC for inauguration. Due to the coldness and a few other things, I decided not to do that, however, I have been enjoying basking in the inaugural excitement all day–Hi, my name is Charlee and I’m a CNN addict (fyi)–so today is especially wonderful for me.

The dinner party was absolutely fabulous! It was really spectacular to reflect last night upon the changes that are to come in our nation and to absorb this moment that we’re currently in–I’ll have to post more about Obama’s amazing speech later, but right now I am posting because I have something else on my mind: Obama’s chief speech writer…whom I am in love with. Anyone know him? Please tell him there’s a crazy girl in New York who’d like to marry him.

Jon Favreau is Obama’s speechwriter and he is incredibly talented/brilliant (obviously) and in trying to learn about him due to his incredible gift with words, I researched him and realised that (a) he is quite young, making him all-the-more impressive, and (b) he is quite sexy.

Here are some photos for your visual enjoyment…

Is he in a coffee shop?! Sexy, vocabularily-intelligent, AND a coffee lover?! Have I died and gone to Heaven?

Is he in a coffee shop?! Sexy, vocabularily gifted, AND a coffee lover?! Have I died and gone to Heaven?

Rarrr

Rarrr

)

He got in some pretty serious trouble for this one--but I say more power to him for having a sense of humour! It is quite funny, no?

Yes–’tis kind of sad really, to have a schoolgirl crush like this, but alas, he had me at “yes we can.”

Anyway, I am still very excited over what has happened/is happening today–and REJOICE!–we are finally collectively free of George W. Bush and his cumbersome perspectives.  Free at last!

Alright, back to celebration/obsessive CNN viewing!

Have a great day everyone!!

xx Charlee

7 Comments

Filed under men, personal, random