I am presently in one of my least favourite places in the Universe, the airport. Generally, I am crazy late for domestic flights, and board the plane AFTER boarding has ended and they’ve removed the tunnel, via a scolding flight attendant escort. To be honest, I’m a little bummed out that I will miss out on the terribly fun stares of my fellow passengers today, but alas, roomie is more responsible than I and has therefore forced my bum to migrate to the airport ridiculously early.
SO here I am, all drugged up with nowhere to go.
Yes it is true my friends, I don’t think I have any other anxiety so strong as that which flying causes within me. I’m a relatively frequent flier, yet my discomfort with the notion has never quite subsided. There have been several times when I have actually decided (t minus 30 minutes before takeoff) not to board a plane, leaving me stranded. After this happened a few times, my doctor decided it would be prudent to drug me during travel. Hence, I give you “Charlee under the influence of far too many milligrams of benzodiazepine”.
Anyway, as so often happens when I am forced to deal with airports/planes, I have been annoyed by the actions of various people. Ohkay, SURE, I know I have probably annoyed my fair share of people today also…but that is irrelevant to the fact that the same things bother me every time I travel. So, I bring you my “rules” for the procedures associated with changes in geographical location:
Number One: Wear Something Comfortable But Not Yucky
This is a very important one my friends. I am the first to admit that I generally wear things whilst flying that I would never wear in my general life–that is, I dress solely to be comfortable, and therefore look like a crackhead most of the time.
Well, I have a sad tale to explain this life lesson that I had to learn the hard way: I was flying to Pittsburgh last minute to see family, so I didn’t have much time to pack/get my act together and therefore looked like a really unsightly version of myself. Due to a snowstorm, my flight got canceled and the next one included a detour to DC…well, I got stuck in DC my friends. I had the option of waiting out the storm/getting a hotel, but I have friends in DC so I figured I’d spend a day or two with them rather than dealing with the masses of angry stranded travelers. However, this meant I did not have my luggage and I looked like a COMPLETE street rat. Luckily, my dear friend allowed me to change into some less offensive clothing of hers, but I still had to deal with the trip from Dulles to the city looking like a fool–not to mention showing up to meet my friend and her friends looking as though I’d just rolled out of bed (literally–I was practically wearing pajamas).
So, learn from my mistake friends, even if all you do whilst flying is sleep, it is not wise to dress as though all you plan to do is sleep!
Number Two: Take A Chill Pill (literally or figuratively)
This one actually applies in all situations. I would like everyone in the world to take a chill pill.
Well, that is a bit untrue as some people I encounter are sufficiently chill, but unfortunately, there seems to be an absence of the chill factor in airports. To be fair, I realise that airports are an unpleasant place to spend time. Oh, how I realise this. I just wish we could all do our part to make it a bit less unpleasant by calming the eff down a little bit. Just a little bit.
Number Three: Use your brain
Again, I suppose this one could be applied to life also. However, this is the number one thing that bothers me in airports.
I’m not a mean or unfriendly person, and I know chilling in airports is a bummer, so I am always down to converse with those around me. I draw the line, however, when someone feels the need to not only carry on a conversation with me for an excessive period of time, even though I’ve made it clear that I am not interested in hearing the details of their sister’s cousin’s wife’s daughter’s bat mitzvah, but also does not properly understand my motives when I state that I need to get a cup of coffee. No, I don’t want you to join. I’m trying to get away from you.
Then there are the children. Oh, the children. I’m actually a gigantic fan of kids–I’m only half-kidding when I say one of my goals in life is to “save the children” and I’ve done a lot of volunteering with kids and was even a nanny for about a month. So I’m down with the youngins. However, I am not down with their parents. Children should not be running amok through airports–frolicking, playing…fine–but screaming? This is not okay, and the parents who think it is are clearly not aware of the fact that unpleasant noises are something many of us strive to avoid in life, and the last thing we want is their ignorance forcing this upon us. When I have children I will obviously be slipping them a few chill pills whilst traveling.
Although it is also possible that I am a bit bitter that I can no longer be the one running around and having fun and that I’m expected to sit here, bored out of my mind, for an extended period of time.
Okay I think that is about it for my rant of the day…please keep my sage advice in mind next time you find yourself traveling, and if you should find yourself sitting next to me on a plane, please be aware of the fact that I am dazed and confused and not exactly down to discuss the purpose of your business trip! I will appreciate this very, very much!
hugs and kisses, Charlee